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Question
Posted by: SS | 2012-01-30

How to let go...

I used to work with this guy. We liked each other a lot but I was in a relationship and he was single. He was a little out of my league so I never really believed that he liked me as much as I liked him. We did however have an affair and would talk all the time and have the occasional get-together. We were crazy about one another.

Then I got married. I did not know how to get out of the relationship and was also afraid to be alone. He (the guy) then eventually got married to an ex girlfriend of his. He would always blame me for not giving our relationship a chance.

He and his wife then later had a child but our relationship did not end. We still constantly had contact (daily), although we did not get together as often anymore.

My husband and I then decided to have a child of our own. The day I found out I was pregnant, I told my “ friend” . He then said that he would speak to me later that he was busy –  something he never ever said to me before –  he always had time for me. I responded by saying: “ oh so now that I am knocked up, now you don’ t want to talk to me anymore” . He responded by saying: “ no that is not true, I am just busy at work” .

That is the last time I heard of him. It has been 1 year and 4 months.

I am still baffled about what happened. Not even a message or a call to hear how I am doing, if my son was born, nothing. This after we spoke literally every single day for 5 years (aside from weekends off course).

What happened? I need to understand as this really still bothers me a lot.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Im not sure I understand. You were CRAZY about this other man, but married someone else instead ? If you were crazy abut him, why did you "want out" and why couldnt you simply explain ? Instead, you married someone else ( ? who you were not crazy about ? ) but continued to hav an affair with the first guy ? Even after he was married and had a child ?
Am I missing something --- you were unfaithful to your husband, at least emotionally for 5 years or more, and expected this guy to continue to be unfaithful to his wife and child ? Are you sure you are focussing on the real major problem here ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: SS | 2012-01-31

Look, I am not proud about what I did, but a think I loved him. My husband is my best friend, so that is why I did not want to give up our relationship. We have been best friends for 21 years. He is just not my soul mate. I had to accept that.

Point is I want to move on, forget about the other guy. It has been a long time and I have managed not to contact him. I just still think about him all the time. I think it is because he never said anything, just dissapeared.

I just need to find closure. Not sure how to do it though.

Reply to SS
Posted by: Huh??? | 2012-01-30

Let it go. You are a married woman with a child. Why are you so consumed by someone elses husband?

Reply to Huh???
Posted by: Jasmin | 2012-01-30

Forget about him - not worth your energy and time. He was just using you.

Try and focus all your energy on your family.

Reply to Jasmin
Posted by: Wiiling | 2012-01-30

I ma willing to take his place.

Reply to Wiiling
Posted by: Kate | 2012-01-30

He used you for as long as he was comfortable doing it and then dumped you... What is so hard to understand about that?

The only person I feel for here is you poor hubby who has no clue about all this. I totally have no words for you butI would say you are a very selfish person. The rest would most probably be deleted from this forum but just use your imagination.

No one is perfect but to make the same mistake everyday for 5years! Hopefully one day you rhubby sees you for what you are and find someone more deserving.

It does not even sound as if you have any remorse.
I would suggest you start focussing on your hubby and child by putting all your energy into them. Also start making up to you hubby for all those years you cheated on him.

Reply to Kate

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