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Question
Posted by: Maria | 2011/09/21

How to Help My Husband Gain Self Worth x2

Hi Doc, thank you for your reply. We were chatting again last night, he thinks that he must have done something really terrible as a child to treat him the way they have and I keep telling him that they obviously resent him because he''s not a girl and if it is something he did as a child, they are pathetic to hold a grudge against him his whole life. I was thinking, it''s so obvious now that his parents (again, especially the mother) wanted a girl because she doesn''t speak to ANY of her sons (my hubby included). Last night he got a call from his dad saying he must phone his sister and wish her good luck (she''s gone off to Italy for a few weeks) but I told him NOT to phone because it''s not like his sister congratulated us on our engagement (we''ve only been married for a few weeks, been together for years) and NONE of his family wished him good luck or congratulations when he went for job interviews, drivers licence, etc. I don''t want her plane to crash without him having spoken to her or anything, but I don''t want my husband to be the only one making an effort and being decent. I don''t know if he phoned or not. You are right that the " favoured"  child does get angry if things don''t go her way, if people don''t do what she says and asks and she really has a bad temper (to the extent that she gets physically violent) but she was very close with my husband and while she was aggressive, arrogent and obnoxious while she was at school, it just esculated once she finished. What a disfunctional family. I will press for therapy for hubby. Thank you again.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

We like to think life is logical and fair, and it never is. So, when a child is neglected or mistreated by a parent or parents, one of the tragedies is that they asume it must be THEIR fault, and blame themselves, when they are blameless. Nothing any child could do would justify what they have done to him.
Well, at least for a few weeks the Prodigal Sister will be annoying people in Italy, and not here !

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Nikki | 2011/09/21

Hi Maria,

I feel like I am reading my life''s story here. My husband''s sister is also the favoured one, yet his parents insist he pays for their old age living expenses. The wheel has eventually turned and now the spoilt sister has to support her parents.

My two cents worth: carry on doing what you are doing, try to lift up your husband, praise him, encourage him and sit back and enjoy the ride. The favoured sister will slip up sometime and then your husband will be the flavour of the day. If he feels he should phone her and wish her luck, then let him do it. I still wish my sister in law happy birthday, even though she does not do it for me. In the end, you should not lower your moral standards because of other people, including family.

Best wishes.

Reply to Nikki
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/09/21

We like to think life is logical and fair, and it never is. So, when a child is neglected or mistreated by a parent or parents, one of the tragedies is that they asume it must be THEIR fault, and blame themselves, when they are blameless. Nothing any child could do would justify what they have done to him.
Well, at least for a few weeks the Prodigal Sister will be annoying people in Italy, and not here !

Reply to cybershrink

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