Our expert says:
Sounds indeed as though your daughter may have personal problems, potentially including low self-esteem and obsessiveness about "cleanliness: etc --- it is obviously unreasonable to expect a 4 year-old to keep everything tidy. And excessive demands for tidyness can arise, for instance in someone who feels unable to control other important aspects of their life, and who choses to focus instead on excessive control of unimportant aspects more easily determined.
She needs to see a shrink for assessment and treatment advice, and would probably respond well to CBT style counselling, with perhaps later some sessions of marriage counselling to sort out the main relationship.
CTMom raises other important issues. PND is indeed a posibility ( Post Natal depression ) and should be identified and treated, and some personal pampering might help -- if she is able to allow it to happen, and if she doesn't reject it as unnecessary or messy.
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