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Question
Posted by: Sigh | 2009/09/10

How to handle agressive men

My brother is really aggressive towards me. He used to damage my property like car etc when he gets mad and would scream, swear and call me the worst ' female'  swear words ever. This happens if he has a bad day, or some one upsets him. He has calmed down the last few months after one of his workers left due to his temper. He started this again with me today. The problem is he never does this in front of any one else. He waits till we are alone and usually do it totally out of the blue, catching my by surprise.

After he will be extra nice to the family and do nice things for them. And then tell them how I provoked him and how useless I am. Or be super nice to me infront of them. My family' s normal response is that a ' man only gets mad when a women provokes him' . We are supposedly a modern great close family. His outburst then makes it that I have to distance myself from my family for a while. I have discussed this with my family after he damaged my car and stated I won' t be able to visit them anymore if this continued, this helped for a while.

I asked him once why does he do this, and his response because he can, and I am the only one he can do this to and get away with it. I am a softy. He used to hit me like crazy when we were kids. Yes, I stay out of his way but I dont want to see my family less because of him.

My question, I don' t know how to handle my brother, he knows he gets away with this. I just want him to leave me alone. I have ignored him but this causes problems with my family. I am afraid to date because I belief all men are like this. I am just waiting for them to show me their other side. What' s the best way to handle him.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Can't you reduce o eliminate contact with him altogether ? And if he damages poperty like your car, call the police and lay criminal charges. He needs to learn that he is not entitled to behave in this way. As you saw, losing the employee at least temporarily worried him.
If your family really believes that no man ever loses his temper unless provoked by a woman, they are astonishingly old-fashioned and anti-feminist. Why not stop visiting your family altogether ( if that is where he gts acess to you ) while inviting the other, civilized, family members to visit you ?
He knows what he is doing, as you quote --- he does this because he can get away with it, If he can't, he will stop doing it. All men are not like this, In fact real men are not like this, only bullying little boys. Leave him to grow up on his own, and rather associate with adults

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: D | 2009/09/12

Don' t let him pick on you. Also don' t let that be your outlook on men, not all of us are like that. Buy some pepper spray, and next time he tries something, spray him in the face. I know it is your brother, but he doesn' t care what he does to you. Yes, also go to the cops and lay a charge of assualt and damaging of property. Maybe he will wake up and change

Reply to D
Posted by: D | 2009/09/12

Don' t let him pick on you. Also don' t let that be your outlook on men, not all of us are like that. Buy some pepper spray, and next time he tries something, spray him in the face. I know it is your brother, but he doesn' t care what he does to you. Yes, also go to the cops and lay a charge of assualt and damaging of property. Maybe he will wake up and change

Reply to D
Posted by: Red | 2009/09/11

He sounds like your typical male psychopath. I feel sorry for the woman that ends up dating him one day. Sad but true.

Reply to Red
Posted by: anon | 2009/09/11

I have three brothers. Once, my brother picked me up by my neck and threw me against the wall. I left home, went to the police and laid a charge of assault against him. After that, neither he, or my other brothers ever beat on me again.

Reply to anon
Posted by: Mymy | 2009/09/10

I suggest u tell him if he planes on doing it again he will sleep in jail, be serious. U must stand your ground.

If he was one person that get cross now and again the anger wouldn' t be held back and only resurface when he see' s u.

Good luck :)

Reply to Mymy

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