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Question
Posted by: Giving Up | 2012/05/30

How to fall out of love

Hi Doc and all on here,

Okay they say there are 2 sides to a story so ill try make this short and sweet and straight to the point.

I gave up my life, my job, my home and my family to move to a place to be with my boyfriend now my husband my life is confimed to 4 walls partially by my own choice, his life has always been here.

We are constantly fighting because of his friend they are the center of his world and im almost certain it should be me thats the center of his world life just permanently revolves around them, why cant he love me that much or wana be with me like he does with them?

This situation is causing endless problems and it think its parcially my fault as i dont want to be around them as from the get go there has been a deffinate line between me and them, he has told me i either accept them or i must leave. so now i have to change who i am, be okay with the behaviour they bring about in him.

so my other option is leave but i cant do that because i love him more than anything, so i need to stop loving him, how does one fall out of love? or at least make myself numb to my situation?

there is alot more to this that i dont have the time now to explain but if you could try give me some advise on what i have been able to say would mean alot.

thanx

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Love, obviously, is important, but like a diamond the setting also makes a significant difference. Suimply feeling love for someone doesn't make it wise to ignore all the reality factors about where one will live, and under what circumstances.
I hear so often from women who married men who were already faithfully married to their friends, and who are more faithful to their pals than to their wives. Its usually part of the signs of an immature boy ( whatever his age in yeas ) who really isn;t ready for a mature relationship with a real Woman, rather than sticking with the Boys.
It sounds as though you love him very far more than he actually loves you, or he couldn't tell you to accept his friend-centred life or leave.
It is in no way fair to you to suggest, as you do, that you should somehow anaesthetize your emotions and put up with such unacceptable behaviour within this relationship.
Try to persuade him to join you in marriage counselling to see what might be sorted out, or make plans to leave and consult a lawyer to protect your rights and interests.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Giving Up | 2012/05/31

Thank you doc, you are so right i spoke to someone else about this and they say that my husband doesnt know the first thing about being a husband and that he needs to grow up and that i deserve the very best in life, but i always land up blaming myself that im not understanding enough of his situation.

Thank you again

Reply to Giving Up
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/05/31

Love, obviously, is important, but like a diamond the setting also makes a significant difference. Suimply feeling love for someone doesn't make it wise to ignore all the reality factors about where one will live, and under what circumstances.
I hear so often from women who married men who were already faithfully married to their friends, and who are more faithful to their pals than to their wives. Its usually part of the signs of an immature boy ( whatever his age in yeas ) who really isn;t ready for a mature relationship with a real Woman, rather than sticking with the Boys.
It sounds as though you love him very far more than he actually loves you, or he couldn't tell you to accept his friend-centred life or leave.
It is in no way fair to you to suggest, as you do, that you should somehow anaesthetize your emotions and put up with such unacceptable behaviour within this relationship.
Try to persuade him to join you in marriage counselling to see what might be sorted out, or make plans to leave and consult a lawyer to protect your rights and interests.

Reply to cybershrink

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