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Question
Posted by: Kutloano | 2010-07-14

how to emotionaly detach

I have been in a relationship with this guy for 3 years, we have bee talking about marriage and he keeps saying soon - now I asked him last week Thursday if we shouldnt set a date.

I know he is tide up finacially, paying of a loan and building a home from his retired parents that his kids can oneday visit grand parents at and I told him we need to set a date of when his family can start the lobola negotiations - he can pay half the lobola and we can finish the house together (we have our own flat that I pay rent for) and he told me he will think about it, on Monday I asked him and he said why am I pushing him, this is a very difficult decision for him to take and out of anger I told him to drop it and lets pretend we never talked about it!
And we are pretending nothing happened, I dont think he is ready for commitment, I think he doesnt want to marry me and he is just passing time until he finds someone he wants to marry (I did speak to him about it and he said I am talking nonsense! But I cant shake that feeling) he wants us to have a baby, I want him to marry me first and he says that I am selfish! All he wants from me is a baby not a wife  -(- how do I detach myself or uncommit from this relationship as I can see it not going to end in marriage as thats what we agreed on 2 years ago? I am 27 and he is 30

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If you'll check the archives of this forum, or page back through the postings, you'll find this is a really common and frequent question.
Think about couples counselling to improve communication and understanding between you, and to enhance your ablity to negotiate and setle shared problems.
For him to refuse to commit to marrying you, but to want a child from you, sounds unreasonable and selfish. It is no selfish of you to refuse to breed to satisfy his ego, ignoring your own needs and best interests.
How does one leave such a relationship ? Just say No, and then Goodbye. If he has ignored agreements you had reached together, you are surely under no obligation to stay together with him

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Been there | 2010-07-16

Hi Kutloano, just to give a sisterly advise please get rid of this relationship as soon as possible otherwise you''ll spend another 3 years and thereafter it will be over when u least expected it. Im talking form experince. Good luck honey.

Reply to Been there
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-07-14

If you'll check the archives of this forum, or page back through the postings, you'll find this is a really common and frequent question.
Think about couples counselling to improve communication and understanding between you, and to enhance your ablity to negotiate and setle shared problems.
For him to refuse to commit to marrying you, but to want a child from you, sounds unreasonable and selfish. It is no selfish of you to refuse to breed to satisfy his ego, ignoring your own needs and best interests.
How does one leave such a relationship ? Just say No, and then Goodbye. If he has ignored agreements you had reached together, you are surely under no obligation to stay together with him

Reply to cybershrink

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