Posted by: Anri | 2012-02-02

how to deal with life?

Prof, you know my story and that I was raped. And deal with all my emotions on my own.

I just don''t see the way forward. At work I always put on this happy face. People at work see me as this positive person. Always make them laugh. My clients adore me and I adore them.
At home I must be the mother and wife that they deserve. Love and support them.

Fact is, inside I am breaking down little bit by little bit. I can feel it. I don''t know how to keep work and hom together anymore. I went so far to write letters to my kids to forgive me what I plan to do. I feel this strong feeling of moving on to a different world. But at the same time I am scared of taking my life and I do not succeed the first time. I am also scared if I succeed I can look down to my family and see them crying and I cannot undo what I''ve done.

I know there is worse things in life than rape. I just don''t know how to keep myself together and perform in my job and to be a great mom and loving wife.

I just cannot see that light at the end of this dark dark tunnel.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi Ann, I do understand the inner grief you feel. But you should never have tried, and should stop trying now, to do everything necessary entirely on your own. If you had a broken leg, yiu probably wouldn't decide to heal it entirely on your own, and to refuse orthopaedic advice or a plaster cast or crutches, which could ensure you healed properly and prmanently. Emotional trauma should receive more respect, and care, not less.
The reason you don't see light at the end of the tunnel is that you have insisted on refusing he assistance of an electrician to get your lights working again, which is awful for you and your family and others.
SEE A PSYCHIATRIST as soon as possible, and explain frankly and in detail about how awful you feel, and take good advice and get the help you so muuh deserve, and get better. Please. And keep in touh ith us on the forum, to let us know of your progress.
STOP trying to do it all on your own.
Liza's response is excellent -- read and re-read it carefully

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: AGM | 2012-02-03

I ws also raped when i was 23, truely speaking it affected me for a while until I tell myself that God knew that I wil handle this situation. My family dont know i am 39 now wt one child. I honestly took that rape as one of the relationships that did not work out and move on wt my life.

Ask God To help you he promised us that he will never leave u nor forsake you. You are strong woman.

Reply to AGM
Posted by: Bron | 2012-02-03

Anri, please go find assistance so you can get a remedy to help you through this nightmare. It will be unfair for your kids to grow up without a mother as they wont understand and will love you till the day they die. Trust me, kids love parents unconditionally, you owe it to them to find a pathway to start healing. My mother was depressed/bipolar for years, refused to take medication and never admitted she had a problem. She has been dead 12 years now, yet not a day goes by when I dont think of her and wish she were here. Her boys (my stepbrothers) cry for her and wish she were here to share in their joys and sorrows of life. I try to be a substitute for them, but its not the same since I pine for her too.
Please, please do it for the sake of your little ones. A mother is something that cannot be replaced, dont alllow the rapists to rob your children too!

Reply to Bron
Posted by: LP | 2012-02-03

You say that pills will help people sufferring from depression but not you. Anri - you ARE sufferring from depression. Please try and accept that. Then take the next step which is seeing a different psychiatrist. You possibly did not feel comfortable with the one you saw which is why you did disclose the truth.

I am a bipolar sufferer and just suffered the worst antenatal depression ever with my newborn. I am such an extrovert and the " class clown"  so to speak, at work and between my friends. What I am trying to say is that there is nothing wrong with you if you have depression! But you HAVE to accept it and do somehting about it.

Your kids deserves a stable and mentally healthy mom. So if you don''t want to go see a psychiatrist, go for them. Otherwise you will NOT get better and you will eventually try to kill yourself. Depression does NOT get better on its own, its not something you can work through without medication and therapy.

Please just go once and see what the psychiatrist says. There are people like them for a reason. There is help, just accept help!

Reply to LP
Posted by: Anri | 2012-02-02

Liza, thank you!
Yes I do have a medical aid. I went to a psgiatrist once. I walk out of there with sweat dripping down my back and walk out of there without telling him about the real problem.
I just couldn''t get myself to say the devastating words that I was raped.

Don''t get me wrong. I do not believe that drinking anti deps will help me. I believe that it might help people who suffers with depression. I just don''t think that will help me.

Sometimes I wonder why they didn''t finish their job and killed me as well.

Thanks again

Reply to Anri
Posted by: Liza | 2012-02-02

You deserve to feel better and your children deserve a mother who isn''t depressed. Do you have a medical aid? If you do, please see a psychiatrist to have the depression diagnosed and perhaps start on an antidepressant as well as seeing a psychologist to work through the rape.

If you do not have a medical aid, there are still options available - like seeing someone at a government clinic. The clinics usually make you wait ages - but they do provide anti-depressants as well as giving referrals to go to your nearest public hospital for therapy sessions. I''ve got some experience with this, so let me know which area you live in and I''ll be able to tell you where to go or who to call.

Suicide is not the way out. If you succeed, it will leave your children with immense emotional scars. They will always think that it was their fault (even if you leave a suicide note explaining that it isn''t). If you don''t succeed, you could be left with permanent health problems afterwards that will make life a whole lot harder... You DESERVE to be helped.

Good Luck

Reply to Liza

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