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Question
Posted by: AB | 2010/11/26

How to deal with life

Hello Dr, I am in a huge struggle in my life. I''ve been brought up with the knowledge that you are what people see. Me being a woman, married and two lovely kids, feel at my age of 31 I still do not know what I want out of life, I feel unsuccessful in my work and in my personal life. My entire family is successful in their jobs, drive nice cars and can buy anything they want. When I do get money, in any purchase I make is short lived, there is always more I want. I would say unfulfilled. I do not have a nice body, but my sister good the looks, body and attitude to be successful. I do not why I feel so down, whatever I want to do I can''t, and at this stage I feel as if my husband is not taking care of me as he promised the day we got married. I just cannot get rid of this feeling, and this also has a huge impact in our intimate life. Some days it feels as if whatever I wish for, get given to my family - A nice car, they buy a new one. Please help doctor as I do not know how to deal with life anymore, how do I get out of life to make me feel satisfied? Thank you

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

And of course, what you really are, is usually what other people DON'T see. And as you've discovered, mere STUFF isn't satisfying. You can never have enough of it, and you never feel lastingly satisfied by it. Counselling / psychotherapy could be a really valuable investment, to learn how much about you is right and good, and to clarify what you need to be doing in life in order to feel content. FAR more satisfying and lastingly useful than "a nice car". There is so much more you could be doing, to benefit others as well as yourself, once you can break free of the trap of materialism and superficiality you seem to have been trained to embrace

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/27

And of course, what you really are, is usually what other people DON'T see. And as you've discovered, mere STUFF isn't satisfying. You can never have enough of it, and you never feel lastingly satisfied by it. Counselling / psychotherapy could be a really valuable investment, to learn how much about you is right and good, and to clarify what you need to be doing in life in order to feel content. FAR more satisfying and lastingly useful than "a nice car". There is so much more you could be doing, to benefit others as well as yourself, once you can break free of the trap of materialism and superficiality you seem to have been trained to embrace

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Bboy | 2010/11/26

Hi AB is seems to me like you actually feel pitty for yourself now you want to blame your husband, I am married 30yrs old, my wife is succesful lecturer at a university, she never gave me anything, works with her own money I can''t even drive her car, as I work as a Clerk, we were high school lovers,that is why we maaried, so often told me I was a failure, in 2007 secretly started studying through UNISA and this year I am finishing I got offered a Financial Manager position starting 01 Feb 2011(wife does not know I don''t intend to tell her),ennihow you''re still young educate yourself lift yourself up, he has nothing to do with your sucesses or failure..only you SO STOP BLAMING AND TAKE YOU FUTURE INTO YOUR OWN HANDS!!!

Reply to Bboy
Posted by: Unique | 2010/11/26

The part of marriage vows where the groom says he will take cake of the bride really needs to be updated. He might be able to take care of you in many ways but our capitalist society makes it impossible for men to take of women financially. Women ( I am one) need to get up and contribute to the finances of the household, it''s really not fair to expect men to do it on their own.

Please try and get skills that enable you to get remunaration that matches your taste/wants. Be prepared to work hard.

Reply to Unique
Posted by: lizard | 2010/11/26

try being greatful, go help the poor and dying, that should snap you out of your misery, go visit cancer patients at the hospice, that should help you appreciate your body for starters, go look at dying children , then you will thank God your children are healthy, go sleep outside on a piece of cardboard, that should help you appreciate your home

Reply to lizard

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