advertisement
Question
Posted by: Anon | 2010/11/11

How Safe Are We

Hi Sexologist

I need to know how safe is this and if any couple ever done. Was the experience worth it and if could recommend a website or two to source a health free individual.

My wife and I have started exploring the possibility of experiencing a threesome (softcore) together. We want a lady (young, attractive, and disease free).

We drew the rules and there will be no penetration what so ever from me. However, we both like the idea of the two girls doing oral on me and my wife likes the idea of the girl might be close to her and maybe participate in some mouth oral.

We would like to play with the third person –  touching and stroking and some group oral sex.

Our concern is would it be safe to play without any latex gloves on our hands (should fingers be explored and enter the other girls hole –  fingering etc,)

Can I not use a condom if I receive oral sex. Will my wife be safe if she kisses other girl who has been giving me a BJ. Can we all have oral sex and body play without being high risk to HIV.

We are both excited and it will be the wife who gets to choose the girl as this will be her first time too and she wants someone she is attracted to. I am just excited that I will be experiencing two girls at once. Even if there will be no penetration with the other lady.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Wow, the other replies must really have given you some food for thought. These issues are things that you and your wife DO need to take seriously as this could be very different in realisy than in fantasy. That said, there are people who practice alternative lifestyles like you and your wife are considering. My advice to you is to consult extensively with others who have done it first to find out what ground rules are helpful, tips about keeping safe (practically and emotionally). At the very least, you BOTH need to be able to call time out at any time with no blame as it may be that something strikes a cord and makes one of you feel very uncomfortable. Ignoring this could have dire consequences for your marriage.

As far as putting you in touch with resources, I can't do that, I am afraid, you will have to do that research yourself - but do check very carefully first.

Information regarding physical/sexual safety are important to consider. Whilst you know (and trust) your sexual health status, a third party might not so it would be advisable to use condoms anyway! Buy thin or flavoured ones if you are wanting mutual enjoyment and maximum sensation. Women can spread STI's between each other whilst performing oral sex and indeed can spread HIV too, so don't make assumptions about the safety of oral sex. Use dental dams or cling film to cover the vulval area and protect from transmission of any infection.

Take care of yourselves and think this through very carefully some more.

Claire - SASHA

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

17
Our users say:
Posted by: Anon to JZ | 2010/11/18

But are we safe. Do you guys use protection on both male and female everytime

Reply to Anon to JZ
Posted by: Jz | 2010/11/17

Hubby and I did it.... love it ....and still doing it - for 4 years already...We are very happy and close. Join a swingers club and start exploring.

Reply to Jz
Posted by: greek god | 2010/11/13

My friend you are trying to justify a sick perversion by yourself so stop saying your wife wants to experience the softer touc.
Bullshit its you who wants this.
If you want to -|- around why get married.
All the rubish about new experiences &  spiritual bondings???Rubish.
Even if some one stares too long at my wife I have a problem with it never mind allowing a third person to take part in an act which is sacred to married people..
GET A LIFE

Reply to greek god
Posted by: Lego | 2010/11/12

Bubba, I agree with you! That is why I can''t understand this. If both parties knew beforehand that they would be " enjoying the path of another" , why did they get married? Obviously they do not care for the sacred union and spiritual bond of marriage! There is no way I would invite another woman into our bedroom! That is cheating in my book (even with my wife present). I chose to marry this one woman, and made a promise to stay faithful to her, and that is it. I will fight to the end to protect my marriage and the honour of my wife. Having sex (with or without penetration - makes no difference emotionally and spiritually) with anybody else does not honour my wife, nor does it show respect towards her or myself. It also shows that my promise to stay faithful was not worth anything. What would that say about me then - that I can not be trusted. And so the downward spiral goes. So I say, stay faithful to your wife. Go all out to make the sex between you two awesome, but keep it between you two! Respect your wife and yourself. Life and marriage is about much more that quick sexual gratification!

Reply to Lego
Posted by: Anon | 2010/11/12

Please dont judge me when I say strip clubs. I mean The Grand and teazers. Up market places where we can dine. nothing sleazy. And she actually looks forward to such a night (like we only been say 3-4 times in 2 years). She dresses up like we going to a 5 star dinner party for the night, like she wants to compete for the attention and even the ladies look at her like they want her. I guess it makes her feel sexy. In fact, its even hard trying to concentrate whether to look at the shows or your partner sitting opp. But given a choice, I will choose her anyday, anytime. People assume couples experiment cause they bored, we do it, to make the other happy - which in turn makes us even more happier. Only few people share such a bond. But I do worry and am concerned on our next journey. I know we will enjoy, but I both of us to be safe and not in any health risks. Thansk Sexologist for the advice on dental gums etc. I know its takes half the pleasure away, but knowing we safe, is much better than a short term journey instead of a life long suffer.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Anon | 2010/11/12

So true. We are like one when together and agree only want to experience everyone together. Has anyone not gotten pleasure from giving your partner pleasure and giving them what they want. Maybe it be a holiday, a car, its the same. A visit to the strip club, and shared fantasy. I was so happy when my happy told me how the dual massage made her feel and the fact the a hot guy massaged her and I was there to comfort and made her feel safe and secure. I got happy knowing I shared that experience with her. She told me once, that when we visit a strip club for my pleasure, she feels so happy knowing and seeing how happy I get. And we only stay for like 1 hour and leave when I get to show her just how grateful I am and was. We have boundries by the way.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Bubba | 2010/11/12

Lego this is the whole issue, if two people are in love they become a spirtual unit together, its a sacred union anyway you look at it and no matter how you perceive modern life with all its tempations you cannot change basic spirtual laws, there is a bond that is created with the union of two people that in my opinon is the whole concept of marriage. Understand i look at this in an objective way from the knowledge and understanding i have. I am not married.

As for the 5 min HIV test search on the web, i spoke with a an AIDS counsellor awhile ago they mentioned there is a 5 min test.

Reply to Bubba
Posted by: Lego | 2010/11/12

Why get married in the first place, if both of you knew you would not be faithful? Sorry, I just don''t get it. Call me old fashioned, but I still believe there is no place for outsiders in a marriage.

Reply to Lego
Posted by: Anon | 2010/11/12

Thank you Sexologist for all the info. And to Bubbs to letting us know about the 5 min HIV Test. I will try get from a pharmacy and ask questions about the realibility of such a test. That 5 minutes could be like a ride on its own.
Trust me, we have discussed this thoroughly, And it was and not for my sole pleasure or fantasy.
It is one shared with my wife that she gets to experience the “ finer and softer”  touch of another lady as she says.

If it was my choice, I would be wanting to do two chicks at once and have a no holes-barred . But I have set myself that boundry of appreciating and respecting my relationship and wife and wont go further other than softcore.

My wife has no interest in having two men at once. We did however a while back share an experience of receiving a sensual massage together naked. She was massaged by a guy and me, by a lady (both of them were naked too).

This was done in the same room, we layed side by side on the beds and received the massages. We held hands and enjoyed the experience so much that we couldn’ t wait for them to finish up so we could head back home to carry on with each other.

No marriage is safe. Is consider, you get married to experience things together. I do however know that somethings you want different paths but after a lot of compromising from each, you might just find yourself enjoying the path of another –  one you didn’ t even intend on taking.

We wrote that down in the beginning of our marriage.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: jelly | 2010/11/12

Safe so long for your divorce courtcase (after a few monts)

Reply to jelly
Posted by: Frans | 2010/11/12

Hi Bubba, where can I get the 5 min HIV test kit ???

Reply to Frans
Posted by: Dimitri | 2010/11/12

Ride in brother.........

Reply to Dimitri
Posted by: Lego | 2010/11/12

NO!!!!! Don''t do it!

Reply to Lego
Posted by: Bubba | 2010/11/11

You have to think about the impact on your relationship moving forward. If you practise safe sex, condoms etc and gel and do the deed with a woman who is clean (you can get a 5min HIV test kit to check) then i dont believe disease would be the primary concern with both of you engaging in this activity. The primary concern is the emotional/spirtual bond you have with your wife and how that can be greatly threatned proceeding with this.

Jealosy is an exceptionally powerful emotion dont underestimate it.

Reply to Bubba
Posted by: W | 2010/11/11

Isnt it every mans dream to have two woman at once? BUT, isnt it just fantasy. How is your sex life going to be after this event? Could be that once you tried something like this, you will want it more and it WILL become more risky. You can never look at a person and if they look like they arent HIV+ take their word that they arent......... And then what about when your wife would rather have two men instead?

Reply to W
Posted by: Samantha | 2010/11/11

Sounds risky - both physically and emotionally.

How do you expect to ensure that the girl is disease free? Will you have her tested? and - Remember that a girl who is willing to participate in such an activity is most probably not the most wholesome of ladies.

Emotionally, this may seem like great fun, BUT how will your wife react to you touching this other woman and looking at her naked body?

I am not one to judge, but I can warn that this may be a huge step towards your marriage going pear-shaped.

Hope you both make a decision which is best for you both and your marriage.

Reply to Samantha
Posted by: Sexologist | 2010/11/11

Wow, the other replies must really have given you some food for thought. These issues are things that you and your wife DO need to take seriously as this could be very different in realisy than in fantasy. That said, there are people who practice alternative lifestyles like you and your wife are considering. My advice to you is to consult extensively with others who have done it first to find out what ground rules are helpful, tips about keeping safe (practically and emotionally). At the very least, you BOTH need to be able to call time out at any time with no blame as it may be that something strikes a cord and makes one of you feel very uncomfortable. Ignoring this could have dire consequences for your marriage.

As far as putting you in touch with resources, I can't do that, I am afraid, you will have to do that research yourself - but do check very carefully first.

Information regarding physical/sexual safety are important to consider. Whilst you know (and trust) your sexual health status, a third party might not so it would be advisable to use condoms anyway! Buy thin or flavoured ones if you are wanting mutual enjoyment and maximum sensation. Women can spread STI's between each other whilst performing oral sex and indeed can spread HIV too, so don't make assumptions about the safety of oral sex. Use dental dams or cling film to cover the vulval area and protect from transmission of any infection.

Take care of yourselves and think this through very carefully some more.

Claire - SASHA

Reply to Sexologist

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement