Our expert says:
Surely you do indeed need to take him for counselling. This may be a really remediable thing, but can't be ignored. All kids are more curious about sex and other adult matters than most of us suspect, but he sounds unusually driven and bothered about it, for his age, with less concern about right and wrong or even abou being found out. Some kids might, in some circumstances, lie about such events, or invent complaints, but it isn't believable that a girl of 4 would have enough knowledge to invemnt such a story, let alone be motivated to report it falsely.
There are really no rules about this type of situation. Why not call him and say you respect his request for some time to himself, but would like to check with him now and again to see how he is - how often could you call him ? See what he says.
Being "there" for someone may need you to NOT physically be there. If he is finding it very hard to get the ex out of his system, suggest he consider seeing a counsellor for a few sessions to help him achieve this
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