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Question
Posted by: claire | 2011/05/09

how much longer

I saw the father of my children driving with his new GF on Saturday afternoon. he is NOT interested in seeing his children but he has very easily moved on to a new relationship and made time for her.

Ever since I have been an emotional wreck. I cannot understand HOW he could do this to his children first and for most and how can he already have moved on and do this to me. I am breaking at every point, I have tried getting myself into new relationships but they fail because of the insecurities I have and all the healing I still need to do. why does it still hurt so much it''s been a year and how much longer can this possibly take? when do the water works come to a stop.

I'm smart enough and strong enough to move past this, I know it but why am is my heart not listening to my brain?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Him having a new gf obviously upsets you, but is hardly lkely to upset or damage the children, who he is apparently not that interested in seeing much anyway. Its not clear from your message hat the formal situation is - are you and he divorced, or used to live together and now separated ? Either way, if the formal relationship is over, he's entitled to do as he wishes, enter a monastery or become a big-time swinger.
It sounds as though you have invested far too much in this previous relationship, and have given this guy FAR far too much power over you and your happiness and freedom Do see a good local cousnellor to work through these issues and set yourself free. he should now be irrelevant to your life and happiness.
As you say, intellectually you understand what is needed, but emotionally you are still reluctant to clear house.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: candy | 2011/05/10

Poor Claire, I feel your pain, I was in a similar position, the father of my child left when my baby was 2 months old saying he is not happy. He told me this when I questioned him about phone calls and sms that he was getting at odd hours of the night. We went our separate ways. I could not believe it was over, after all the planning and the sacrifice. I thought he needed time , to get used to being a father only to be told by a mutual friend that he has continued to date the woman he cheated on me with and to put salt to injury my dear friend had to add how beautiful and wealthy the woman is . From that moment on, I told myself am going to move on even if it kills me. It has been two years the pain in no longer there, I am just unable to like or love anyone enough to be in a relationship.
Hope you heal soon, it is very hard but facing reality helps. I also went for counseling where I received hush words. I had to catch a wake up quickly …  I stopped trying to compete, by getting a better paying job , car, house even went back to school to get another degree… .I stopped and concentrated on my child. I am now at a place in my life where I feel am ok, just the way I am.
Good luck, it is a tough and lonely road.

Reply to candy
Posted by: Dear | 2011/05/09

Hi Claire,

I feel for you - it just takes time at the end of the day...

Took me 2 years to get over my ex. But then I realised that all the emotional stuff I suffered through (and it is seriously hectic I know) could possibly have been less had I gone for a bit of counselling....

Its ok to bawl your eyes out !!

Peace and comfort to you.

PS: Men are so different from us and can move on more easily.

Reply to Dear
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/05/09

Him having a new gf obviously upsets you, but is hardly lkely to upset or damage the children, who he is apparently not that interested in seeing much anyway. Its not clear from your message hat the formal situation is - are you and he divorced, or used to live together and now separated ? Either way, if the formal relationship is over, he's entitled to do as he wishes, enter a monastery or become a big-time swinger.
It sounds as though you have invested far too much in this previous relationship, and have given this guy FAR far too much power over you and your happiness and freedom Do see a good local cousnellor to work through these issues and set yourself free. he should now be irrelevant to your life and happiness.
As you say, intellectually you understand what is needed, but emotionally you are still reluctant to clear house.

Reply to cybershrink

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