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Question
Posted by: guilty | 2010-08-24

how much is too much

hi, I have recently started seeing a girlfriend for about 2 months. Her work requires her to travel. I mentioned to her that my best friend is getting married, but this is on a weekend when she is not home. She can however pay R3000 for flights back. I feel this is eccessive as she only earns about R10 000pm. She feels if she doesnt do it she is letting me " down"  despite my protests, hence the reason for posting this question. Some objective adice would be appreciated.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Gosh. It does sound extravagant to come back for anything but maybe a close family wedding. And even then. Does she even know the guy well ? The real issue, apart from trying to persuade her not to waste money, would be questions. (a) Is she often this reckless and feckless with money ? If so, that should be cause for concern ; and (b) why does she feel so scared that you might think she was "letting you down" ? Have previous events given her this impression, or is she generally over-concerned about lwetting people down, even when they themselves wouldn't feel let down at all ? If so, she may need some counselling to improve her self-esteem and self-confidence.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-08-24

Gosh. It does sound extravagant to come back for anything but maybe a close family wedding. And even then. Does she even know the guy well ? The real issue, apart from trying to persuade her not to waste money, would be questions. (a) Is she often this reckless and feckless with money ? If so, that should be cause for concern ; and (b) why does she feel so scared that you might think she was "letting you down" ? Have previous events given her this impression, or is she generally over-concerned about lwetting people down, even when they themselves wouldn't feel let down at all ? If so, she may need some counselling to improve her self-esteem and self-confidence.

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