Our expert says:
What is important to point out it is quite common that in the beginning of relationship women may have a greater interest in sex and possibly be less inhibited in sex than her 'default' position would be. This is due to chemicals in the brain which are released in the beginning of a relationship - amongst other things they result in slightly higher testosterone levels in women which may account for higher sex drive. Unfortunately due to a cruel trick of nature these changes are temporary and after a while (between 6months - 4 years) she returns to a more 'normal level'.
Given that you are still having sex every second day, it sounds as if things are still pretty good relative to the general population, the average frequency for sexual activity in a long term relationship is 1ce or 2ce a week.
When it comes to discussing the differences in sexual needs (which is VERY common) I always encourage both partners to be willing to understand what it is like for the other partner and then come to some middle ground / a negotiated compromise. In other words he needs to know that his libido is higher - and this is normal - as is it normal that yours is lower. Therefore there is a necessary tension which needs to be addressed.
As long as there is flexibility, you may find that at times sex is more frequent, but there will also be times when it is less which is fine (and although he might not feel like it, he will survive) What's with counting frequency of sex anyway - what does it really mean if it's not meaningful/loving/playful? Many women begin to feel resentful if they feel they HAVE to have sex - and that reduces sexual interest further; one may in fact begin to avoid affection and other intimacy because one's afraid it'll lead to sex.
The best way forward is to discuss this issue, and go with the flow more. A useful way of talking about it is like other sexual appetites - I'm hungry, you're not, would you mind making me a sandwich or should I make myself one?. If it ends up with him 'making yourself one' (i.e. masturbating). more often than not, this also needs to be addressed as you could drive your response a little more to meet more of his needs.
For further information please consult SASHA’s website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru. For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org
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