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Question
Posted by: Moving in | 2012/03/02

How long before you and your partner move in together?

Hi,

I met a wonderfull guy in December. We are dating and it is going very well. This is the guy of my dreams.

We are thinking of moving in together.

Is it too soon? I personally think it can work out. But dont really know what the " rules"  are about this kind of thing. Or are there no rules - and life is what we make of it??

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

What's your terrible hurry ? DO you need to get to live together quickly before his wonderfulness wears out ? In the first months of a romantic attachment, things seem much more wonderful than they are, and you really, truly, ddon't know each other yet. Being confident that it can work out is actually meaningless - that's a belief, which doesn't make it any more likely to work out well.
Why not continue dating happilly for much longer ? There is the risk we so often hear from in this forum, of settling into a set-up which meets all of his needs and very few of yours, and where he would see nop advantage at all in marriage.
Take your time. If you truly have something significant before you, you will lose nothing by waiting, and there's much to lose by rushing

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/03/03

What's your terrible hurry ? DO you need to get to live together quickly before his wonderfulness wears out ? In the first months of a romantic attachment, things seem much more wonderful than they are, and you really, truly, ddon't know each other yet. Being confident that it can work out is actually meaningless - that's a belief, which doesn't make it any more likely to work out well.
Why not continue dating happilly for much longer ? There is the risk we so often hear from in this forum, of settling into a set-up which meets all of his needs and very few of yours, and where he would see nop advantage at all in marriage.
Take your time. If you truly have something significant before you, you will lose nothing by waiting, and there's much to lose by rushing

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Realist | 2012/03/02

No. I don''t think its a good idea. Now at this moment its all wine and roses and you are thinking how much money you can save by joining forces but in reality its the start of a whole lot of heartache and disappointment. Generally, its the guy who slides into the dominant " Sheik"  of the home, coming and going and having his physical needs taken care of by you, who ends uo by doing all the domestic things. Then up pops the hardy annual question, " Why would he want to give up a good thing to get married ?"  Stay where you are, set a date 1 year from now to get married with a commitment from him, getting him to pay for things, the hall etc etc upfront and don''t be too free with your favours. If he lasts the year, you may make a go of it.

Reply to Realist
Posted by: Realist | 2012/03/02

No. I don''t think its a good idea. Now at this moment its all wine and roses and you are thinking how much money you can save by joining forces but in reality its the start of a whole lot of heartache and disappointment. Generally, its the guy who slides into the dominant " Sheik"  of the home, coming and going and having his physical needs taken care of by you, who ends uo by doing all the domestic things. Then up pops the hardy annual question, " Why would he want to give up a good thing to get married ?"  Stay where you are, set a date 1 year from now to get married with a commitment from him, getting him to pay for things, the hall etc etc upfront and don''t be too free with your favours. If he lasts the year, you may make a go of it.

Reply to Realist
Posted by: No | 2012/03/02

Marriage is not for everyone. If living together is good enough for her, that''s her business. Besides, some people DO get married after living together if that''s what they want.

Reply to No
Posted by: Kelly | 2012/03/02

5 Years down the line and you will be back here complaining that he doesnt want to get married.
If you guys think it will work and are serious about each other then why not just get married!

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: Kelly | 2012/03/02

5 Years down the line and you will be back here complaining that he doesnt want to get married.
If you guys think it will work and are serious about each other then why not just get married!

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: Zimbabwe | 2012/03/02

Sweety there is no time frame but be warned you just met in December. Question one if you move in together where are you moving is it his or your house. His or our furniture? My advise get a place a neutral place that will be both yours and his and get the furniture that will be both yours and take it from there.

Reply to Zimbabwe
Posted by: No | 2012/03/02

There are no rules. Obsessing with rules = games. You know what you want but you don''t go for it, you pretend, you play hide and sick, because you are waiting for the rules to kick in...games.

If it works for you, go for it.

Reply to No

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