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Question
Posted by: Nicci | 2012/08/23

How long before one knows-knows or when one should stop waiting

Hi. this is probably silly of me but i''ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, which by all means isnt very long. I know I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. I am 30 and he is 32, so even though we haven''t been together very long, i feel we old enough to ''know''. Anyway, he says he doesnt know yet and doesnt want to make a mistake. I know he loves me very much, but there are big issues at work so i dont want to up his stress. but i also dont want to be a fool-waiting for something i kindof feel you know (you know yes or no by now).. is there a time limit? do you think im being too hard? i know work a big issue as it relates to being able to afford house / marriage / kids. and so many of my friends (if not all) are pregnant or just had their first kids - so i understand im also more demanding (clock ticking) so dont want to press too hard..

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

There are no laws, psycholofical or legal, about such things ; no rules. here is huge individual variation. Sometimes it might be aspects of the particular relationship that make one or both people hesitate to commit to each other ; sometimes, some people are for a whole range of reasons, very hesitant to do so, irrespective of who the prospective partner is.
Certainly if there are stresses at work, it's understandable that anyone would want not to get deeply into emotional and personal issues until their work life seemed safer and more secure.
Its wise to pay attention to your own ticking internal clock, but NOT to allow your alarm or even the timing on your clock, to be set by what other people do.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/08/25

There are no laws, psycholofical or legal, about such things ; no rules. here is huge individual variation. Sometimes it might be aspects of the particular relationship that make one or both people hesitate to commit to each other ; sometimes, some people are for a whole range of reasons, very hesitant to do so, irrespective of who the prospective partner is.
Certainly if there are stresses at work, it's understandable that anyone would want not to get deeply into emotional and personal issues until their work life seemed safer and more secure.
Its wise to pay attention to your own ticking internal clock, but NOT to allow your alarm or even the timing on your clock, to be set by what other people do.

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