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Question
Posted by: lemon | 2008/05/27

How important is the truth?

Morning CS,

I'm really having a hard time believing my husband's story abt something that happened 2 weeks ago where he picked up a hooker and the cops caught him.
He claims that he had just picked her up when the cops appeared and nothing happened and it was the first time he had ever done that. I calculated the time he left work and the time he withdrew money and the time it would have taken him to get to town from work and there's quite a substantial time gap b4 I got the call from the cops.
I can't move on and heal. I'm finding it hard cos I need to know the truth.
But the truth might kill me. Do I really need to know the truth or is it possible to move on. He's making an effort to be a better husband and will be going to counselling soon.
Is the truth really neccessary???

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Your reaction is perfectly understandable. "Truth" can be an evasive thing. Though as you outline there are reasons for doubting his version of events, maybe it is the truth --- but you don't believe it. My point is that, whatever he says, how do you decide whether or not to believe it ? Counselling is a good idea --- maybe for him and/or you, personalliy --- but how about marriage counselling, with both of you participating ?

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: Im so sorry | 2008/05/27

Believe me, the truth is important. My husband cheated on me. I tried to move on by putting it in the past and not talking about it. It has been almost 2 years now.I still think about it everyday and it still hurts. He has done everything in his poer to make up for what he did, but Ihe hurt me so deeply that I have not been able to build that trust yet. It is getting better with time. I wish i demanded the whole truth from my husband instead of just trying to forget about it because I have all these unanswered question in my mind. I too was very afraid of what the answers might be.

Speak to your husband, ask him to tell you the truth. I doubt it is the first time he has done that, the only reason you found out is because he got caught.

But in order for you to start the healing, speak to him, ask him for the truth.

Reply to Im so sorry
Posted by: almost mad | 2008/05/27

i think you need to decide for yourself whether you are willing to live with the truth, or u would rather move on not knowing. It seems that doubt is eating at you, so maybe use the counceling session to bring things out into the open. you need to know whether he has other personal issues as well, and if he does, you each will need personal, individual counceling as well.

Reply to almost mad
Posted by: David | 2008/05/27

I believe it is better to know the truth as then you will never again question his actions, the time frame, etc regarding this episode, not knowing will always leave doubt and a sense of insecurity, rather face the truth, deal with it and move on.

Reply to David
Posted by: Leesha | 2008/05/27

Listen girl, of course you need to know the truth!!! There will always be doubt in your mind if you dont, but ask yourself the question: DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE MARRIED TO SOMEONE WHO PICKS UP HOOKERS???? Its just not right. good luck to you.

Reply to Leesha

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