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Question
Posted by: Shellz | 2011/11/24

How I respond

Hi,

I was made aware last night by a friend of mine who suffers from social anxiety that I apparently respond to neutral things in an aggressive way, this is not something that have ever noticed about myself until he pointed it out. For example the dog would be barking and i would yell at the dog and my aggressive tone made this person feel like he didnt know where he stood with me, is this something i should look into or is this part of his anxiety? I am in general a very to the point kind of person and i say it like it is - is that a bad thing?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

As jaon suggests, lets parse this problem a bit. Your riend sincerely told you that the way you respond to neutral things COMES ACROSS as aggressive. That may be a fact, and is unrelated to whether you actually feel or intend to sound aggressive.
Its worth trying to modify your style as it apparently has a diferent effect on others than that which you intend. And, like the example of shouting at the dog, that doesn't stop a dog barking, but encourages it. Whether or not his own anxiety amplifies his responses to your style, isn't perhaps the most important aspect of this.
There's absolutely no virtue in being "to the point" in a blunt, inconsiderate, even potentially cruel way. Being honest in a tactful way is far better. And you don't have perfect knowledge of the universe - you're saying it like you see it, not necessarily saying it the way it is

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Jason | 2011/11/24

Shellz, he is verbalizing his feelings the way he sees it.

It has nothing to do with you, but it''s the way he experiences you.

If you wanted to, you could next time maybe call the dog gently and not yell. That may put your friend at ease.

Being straight and to the point is not a bad thing, some people - especially those with a low-self-esteem, would take offence at things you might say, but it''s up to them to realise, with the help of counseling, that they''re not the ones being yelled at.

Reply to Jason
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/11/24

As jaon suggests, lets parse this problem a bit. Your riend sincerely told you that the way you respond to neutral things COMES ACROSS as aggressive. That may be a fact, and is unrelated to whether you actually feel or intend to sound aggressive.
Its worth trying to modify your style as it apparently has a diferent effect on others than that which you intend. And, like the example of shouting at the dog, that doesn't stop a dog barking, but encourages it. Whether or not his own anxiety amplifies his responses to your style, isn't perhaps the most important aspect of this.
There's absolutely no virtue in being "to the point" in a blunt, inconsiderate, even potentially cruel way. Being honest in a tactful way is far better. And you don't have perfect knowledge of the universe - you're saying it like you see it, not necessarily saying it the way it is

Reply to cybershrink

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