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Question
Posted by: LonelyLass | 2011/09/11

How do you stay true to yourself when no one likes you?

I''ve always battled with making and keeping friends, and I don''t know why. Ok, I understand back at school my folks were so poor that I never accepted any invites to go out because I didn''t want to trouble my parents for spending money. After school I made friends with the people I worked with, and their boyfriends where friends with my boyfriend and it was so cool, we''d go out and have fun as a group.... Until they totally backstabbed me. Started spreading rumours to such an extent that I changed jobs to get away from it. I tried making new friends online- the one stole from me and the other kept me waiting at a place we were supposed to meet for an hour before I eventually left. Another person I met, with the hopes of being friends, when I said we should go out sometime, said, ''I have so many other people I still owe nights out too''. We never met again. My boyfriend (or ex or whatever mood he''s in) didn''t want to marry me after 8 years of being together and I think I forced him to marry me or else, and now a few months after announcing our engagement, told me I''m too ''nerdy''. He''s moving out today and I''m too humiliated to tell anyone. I''ve always prided myself on always being myself, and I''m not a bad person. I go out my way to accomodate people, I''m not rude, I''m not selfish- I never do only what I want to do and I don''t always talk about myself. I''m a nice person, I''m generous- I even took my neighbors kid to her school dance and picked her up because my neighbor is a single mother with no car. I spent 30 minutes yesterday trying to catch a stray dog- I don''t understand why people don''t like me! The other girl I tried to befriend turned out to be the type to mess around with other peoples fiances and boyfriends and I stopped hanging out with her because she had made several comments about my boyfriend that I wasn''t comfortable with. I was supposed to go to the wedding expo today with another potential friend, but at the braai last week she just went on and on about herself and we never made actual plans. I have very low iron that makes me very tired and it seems everyone just wants to drink and party until all hours of the night and thats just not me. I joined a gym to try make friends, as it turns out people go there to workout, not make friends. Sorry for the long post, it''s a very bad day for me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Knowing what you, yourself, are, and staying true to it, has nothing at all to do with what other people think or whether they like you.
I'm sceptical about making friends online, just because you never actually know who the other person is, until it might be rather too late.
I don't understand why friends or acquaintances at your first place of work would have turned against you, let alone started telling unpleasant lies about you - people are usually too lazy to go to that amount of trouble without a good reason for doing so !
Is it that others don't LIKE you, but don'tm mind you, or that they DISLIKE you ?
Apart from getting your GP to put you on proper iron meds to relieve your anemia and give you more energy, maybe you've just had rather bad luck in the people you've met up with and hoped they'd be more than they were actually capable of ?
You've missed nothing in not getting involved with the utterly shallow Party and Clubby folks - they're monumentally boring anyway.
Maybe get more involved with activities that interest you ( ? maybe animal welfare, charities, whatever ) and see if you meet people in doing such good works, that are more the sort of folks you'd like

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: PP | 2011/09/12

I don''t believe that people do not like you... I think maybe they''re just not interested in you...
It happens to all if not most people, not all the time but it does happen.
I think the problem might be that you are self conscience and overthink things too much. If a person looks at you a certain way then it must means they don''t like you or they think you might not be worthy of being a friend.

Try to relax. Like the Doc said, people are way too lazy to go through a lot of trouble to make someone else''s life miserable.
People have their own problems.... Strange but true...

" if you knew how little other people think about you, you will stop thinking about what people think of you" 

You ca''t have bad luck all the time. Just keep being yourself and you will click with someone, you will see. You are just going thru a tough time now, but it does not mean people don''t like you.

Reply to PP
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/09/11

Knowing what you, yourself, are, and staying true to it, has nothing at all to do with what other people think or whether they like you.
I'm sceptical about making friends online, just because you never actually know who the other person is, until it might be rather too late.
I don't understand why friends or acquaintances at your first place of work would have turned against you, let alone started telling unpleasant lies about you - people are usually too lazy to go to that amount of trouble without a good reason for doing so !
Is it that others don't LIKE you, but don'tm mind you, or that they DISLIKE you ?
Apart from getting your GP to put you on proper iron meds to relieve your anemia and give you more energy, maybe you've just had rather bad luck in the people you've met up with and hoped they'd be more than they were actually capable of ?
You've missed nothing in not getting involved with the utterly shallow Party and Clubby folks - they're monumentally boring anyway.
Maybe get more involved with activities that interest you ( ? maybe animal welfare, charities, whatever ) and see if you meet people in doing such good works, that are more the sort of folks you'd like

Reply to cybershrink

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