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Question
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2010/09/01

How do you release your feelings and cry

Hi CS,
I am not seeing much of my children now, I may only phone once a week and see them once every 2 weeks. My daughter turned 13 and I helped set things up for the party. My little boy wanted to come with me when I left and he said he would be a good boy, he won''t be bad, it broke my heart. I explained to him that he hadn''t been a bad boy or done anything wrong, he had also just lost his first tooth, which I missed. It was also my daughters first birthday that I wasn''t there when she woke up. I was so close to tears, but I swallowed them.
I then had to put down our Chow, he had been scratching himself to pieces and no matter what I did it just got worse and it was spreading, the Vet agreed it was best to put him down, he was in a lot of pain, I felt like a monster and as if I was loosing another child, I started to cry, but wiped it away and swallowed my tears again.
I seem to have pushed my feelings into Limbo and I feel lost, like a piece of driftwood floating on a river, aimless, going nowhere and I don''t know what to do. I don''t get angry, sad, happy or anything for that matter.
The guy in my life is still trying to get serious, and I am ignoring it and telling him not yet. I am exhausted though.......
How do I switch my feelings back on?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi BT, Sorry to hear about these sadnesses. Of course it was sad to have the dog put down, even though it was for the best of reasons, and saved him from further suffering. Those are reasons not to blame oneself, but not sufficient reasons not to feel sad.
Sounds like some of these are situations, like the birthday party, when for the sake of others, you understandably choose to suppress your emotions - which can become more of a habit, and gets applied even when you're on your own and free to express the emotions.
Comments like your boy's, promising to be a good boy, are heart-rending indeed. Its easy to forget that kids live in a world with themselves at the center ( like many adults, I suppose ) but with a sense of responsibility and agency many adults avoid - so they worry that whatever happens to parents and loved ones are because of THEM. and their being Bad ; so its well worthwhile to remember to re-assure them that they are loved, and not responsible for the things that happen in the adlt world - and indeed that their being good and loving is what greatly helps you to get through these other problems.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: ANonymous | 2010/09/03

Shame, that''s awful everything you are going through.

I also struggle to cry because, out of habit I suppress it (not wanting to cry in front of others). However, I am seeing a psychologist at the momnt &  she said something very interesting to me: She said that crying is such an authentic emotion - if you feel sad, you should cry. If you feel happy you smile, so why not cry when sad?

I still struggle a bit, but I find it helps to watch a sad movie sometimes, and when you feel that prickling in your eyes, instead of automatically holding back, just tell yourself it''s ok, and let it go. You might even find that it all starts coming out then. But it''s almost like you have to ''practice'' crying until you can really let go when something sad happens.

BUt also if you are feeling like you feel nothing, maybe you have depression and it would help to see a psychiatrist to help you work out what needs to be done.

Reply to ANonymous
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/09/01

Hi BT, Sorry to hear about these sadnesses. Of course it was sad to have the dog put down, even though it was for the best of reasons, and saved him from further suffering. Those are reasons not to blame oneself, but not sufficient reasons not to feel sad.
Sounds like some of these are situations, like the birthday party, when for the sake of others, you understandably choose to suppress your emotions - which can become more of a habit, and gets applied even when you're on your own and free to express the emotions.
Comments like your boy's, promising to be a good boy, are heart-rending indeed. Its easy to forget that kids live in a world with themselves at the center ( like many adults, I suppose ) but with a sense of responsibility and agency many adults avoid - so they worry that whatever happens to parents and loved ones are because of THEM. and their being Bad ; so its well worthwhile to remember to re-assure them that they are loved, and not responsible for the things that happen in the adlt world - and indeed that their being good and loving is what greatly helps you to get through these other problems.

Reply to cybershrink

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