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Question
Posted by: Desperate | 2010/02/04

How do u get out of an abusive relationship?

When you' re emotionally and financially dependant on him? My family lives in another province, I can' t leave my job and honestly, I can' t bear the thought of my family thinking badly of him. I love him despite his outbursts, but I' m terrified of him. I can' t handle it when he tells me he hates me, even though I know I' m to blame. I shouldn' t scream at him and be so jealous. I shouldn' t do that. But I know I don' t deserve this kind of punishment. What do I do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sometimes it's like the anti-drug campaign President Ronal Reagan's wife Nancy used to run ( a naive one, and it didn't work for drugs ) -"Just Say No".
Firstly, avoid siuations where you become so financially dependent on anyone else that you get trapped with them. Secondly, work to get up some financial independence for yourself.
Call agencies and groups like POWA which advise and assist abused women.
I agree with "was desperate too"

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Our users say:
Posted by: synergy | 2010/02/05

If you are in the johannesburg area, please please mail me on synergy at live dot co dot za

I made it out of a relationship like that and i can help you.

Reply to synergy
Posted by: Wise Owl | 2010/02/05

So sorry to hear of your situation. I can only agree with,"  Was Desperate too" . No one deserves to be a prisoner in such a disgusting relationship. I am SO sad to hear that " But I still love him"  bit. Please, please have some regard for yourself and see yourself as a caring loving person who has a personality and feelings and who does NOT need to have a creep like that telling you that he hates you ! Come on now, be realistic, start making your plans to leave, start realising that he MUST dislike you to tell you that and ask yourself why you think you can love someone like that unless you do not know the meaning of love. Make you move and get a fresh start. Good luck

Reply to Wise Owl
Posted by: Wise Owl | 2010/02/05

So sorry to hear of your situation. I can only agree with,"  Was Desperate too" . No one deserves to be a prisoner in such a disgusting relationship. I am SO sad to hear that " But I still love him"  bit. Please, please have some regard for yourself and see yourself as a caring loving person who has a personality and feelings and who does NOT need to have a creep like that telling you that he hates you ! Come on now, be realistic, start making your plans to leave, start realising that he MUST dislike you to tell you that and ask yourself why you think you can love someone like that unless you do not know the meaning of love. Make you move and get a fresh start. Good luck

Reply to Wise Owl
Posted by: Candy | 2010/02/05

" was desperate too"  thank you for you advice. I could not have said it better. Girlfriend there you go!!! Good luck and have faith!!!

Reply to Candy
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/02/05

Sometimes it's like the anti-drug campaign President Ronal Reagan's wife Nancy used to run ( a naive one, and it didn't work for drugs ) -"Just Say No".
Firstly, avoid siuations where you become so financially dependent on anyone else that you get trapped with them. Secondly, work to get up some financial independence for yourself.
Call agencies and groups like POWA which advise and assist abused women.
I agree with "was desperate too"

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Was desperate too | 2010/02/04

Hi girlfriend

In hindsight we should never let ourselves become " dependant"  on anyone.

But it happens so easily and " these'  men WANT that because then they " have"  you. but what i cannot understand is why would a man want to keep you because you are forced to stay with him? you know why? coz he cannot get anyone else!

you don' t love him my friend, you think you do. this is NOT love, how can you love a man who is so cruel AND NO ONE DESERVES TO BE WITH A MAN WHO TELLS YOU HE HATES YOU!!!!!

You talk to your family and you look for a job near your family. Step by step you prepare to leave him - quietly. You need a support system .....It' s not easy to do, but i did and you have to.

Speak to those you owe money and make arrangements. i owed R30 000 on my credit card, they stopped it after i went to see them and i made an arrangement that in stead of R2000 pm i could affort R600 and so forth. you will be quite suprised how helpful people are when you go and see them.

STAND UP, WIPE YOUR TEARS.

You deserve to be loved and respected and to feel like a lady again. set goals my friend, it will take time. In the meantime where he is concerned CHILL - dont make waves, don' t fight and scream - always remember ONE PERSON CANNOT FIGHT ALONE....let him be

find peace within yourself, do things that make you happy. buy selfhelp books buy HE' S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU or WOMEN WHO LOVE TO MUCH or or or or (just not dr. phil) and read read read

you will get better
you will get away
you will suffer financially if you have to (i moved into a maids room with my child for a year) but YOU WILL BE YOU AGAIN

and you WILL start feeling better.

Good luck

Reply to Was desperate too

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