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Question
Posted by: Tired Girl | 2010/11/04

How do I tell him?

I have this boyfriend who claims to love me. He is very faithful, I know that for a fact, however problem is I am getting really really tired of supporting him. He just wants to laze around and I foot the bills for everything and always asking me for money. We live in different towns but he is willing to move over. I have suggested several things for him to do when over here in order not to stay idle and at least make some money for himself but he is very reluctant. I really like the guy, we have a lot of chemistry and he makes me happy, he makes me laugh save for this one problem. I have refused to take his calls for the last 2 days and its breaking my heart to see how frantically he is trying and the messages pleading for me to answer and talk to him. How do I politely tell him that if he expects our relationship to continue then he has to start taking charge of his own expenses and not expecting me to feed him, clothe him, house him and give him a car to ride in all day long and expect me to fuel it?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Love does not constst of lying around waiting for someone else to support you and feed you - this sounds far more like exploitation and using you.
He has learned how to entertain people like you, but that's different from love.
Of course he gets frantic when you stop answering his calls ( which you probably pay for ? ) - he's scared he'll lose his Sugar Mommie and his livelihood.
Simply tell him he is NOT moving in with you. And that if he contacts you again once he has got a job, straightened himself out and is well able to fully support himself, you'll decide whether you'll consider a relationship. Tell him you're looking for a relationship with a MAN with dignity and adult capabilities, not a child wanting to be adopted. You dont't want a gigolo.

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Our users say:
Posted by: warQUernsaree | 2011/03/28

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Posted by: illesonvips | 2011/01/22

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Posted by: illesonvips | 2011/01/15

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Posted by: J@ZZ | 2010/11/26

HE JUS USIN YOU ....AS SOON AS U DUMP HIM , HEL LOOK 4 SUM1 ELSE TO SUPPORT HIS LAZY HABITS ...GET RID OF HIS-|-QWIK !!!!

Reply to J@ZZ
Posted by: sangwenid@gamil.com | 2010/11/13

Just tell him that u cant not support him! He must get a life and find a job for himself. Such men can forget about how much you helped him once he has a job. He can even dump you for a bitch!!!

Reply to sangwenid@gamil.com
Posted by: mengisto | 2010/11/11

I kicked mine out and he was exactly the same as yours. I even found him a job but still would not live up to the expectation of supporting his own child. I then decided that enough is enough. I would rather be alone than be with someone who lacks a sense of responsibility. Guess what he will threaten to kill himself so that you feel sorry for him and invite him back in your apartment. Mine has tried that twice and he is trying for the third time but I''m just ignoring. I have even blocked his number so that I don''t receive his calls. Talk about cry babies.

Reply to mengisto
Posted by: Purple | 2010/11/05

Stop supporting him, and I agree, tell him exactly like you wrote it down here (read that out to him over the phone if you must).

Its not much of a relationship if you are supporting him. Tell him that if he moves to your town, he needs to live apart from you and show you that he is capable of supporting himself financially before you will resume the relationship.

You need to ensure that he is genuinely in a relationship with you and not just living off you.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: Tired Girl | 2010/11/05

Thanks guys, your comments are certainly a wake up call for me.

Reply to Tired Girl
Posted by: Patricia | 2010/11/05

Don''t be afraid to be honest. It seems like he''s got a nice job, which is to be with you and show his love for you. Who wouldn''t like one of those? All you have to do is pretend to love someone, spend time with them and let them pay for everything you need.

You did the right thing. It''s time to tell him that things are NOT working and that he has to find a job and become financially independant if he wants to be with you again. Be firm. If he doesn''t find a job or if he does find one and never comes back to you, then let him be because it means he wasn''t worth a second of your life.

Good luck :)

Reply to Patricia
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/05

Love does not constst of lying around waiting for someone else to support you and feed you - this sounds far more like exploitation and using you.
He has learned how to entertain people like you, but that's different from love.
Of course he gets frantic when you stop answering his calls ( which you probably pay for ? ) - he's scared he'll lose his Sugar Mommie and his livelihood.
Simply tell him he is NOT moving in with you. And that if he contacts you again once he has got a job, straightened himself out and is well able to fully support himself, you'll decide whether you'll consider a relationship. Tell him you're looking for a relationship with a MAN with dignity and adult capabilities, not a child wanting to be adopted. You dont't want a gigolo.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: luc | 2010/11/04

been there, done that, worn the T-Shirt....once his situation changes he will leave...you are like a mother to him, once he can do without you, he will go out and find a wife...sorry for being a doom sayer, but be careful girl...there are male golddiggers out there today!

Reply to luc
Posted by: url | 2010/11/04

Why are you allowing this person to use you to this degree?

Are you a weak insecure person?

Reply to url
Posted by: Woman | 2010/11/04

Just the way you did it here. Tell him face to face or write him a letter or send him the link to your question here. Honesty is best always-especially when sorting out problems.If he loves you, he will understand.

Reply to Woman

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