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Question
Posted by: Just Me | 2012-03-19

How do i prepare for a possible loss

Hi Doc

I am a 35 year old independent single parent, i was with my baby''s father for over 10 years before we separated (we were not married), after the break up the relationships i tried were a total mess, somehow did not seem to work. I met this guy last year, i was coming back from a holiday and met at a garage, exchanged numbers and kept contact, when things started to get serious i distanced myself as he was in the process of getting divorced. We did not talk for about 8 months and he contacted me again and we hooked up.

We have developed such strong feelings for each other, we have so much in common and treats me like a queen, and for the first time after the breakup with my baby''s father i am truly happy. Now the trouble is I was diagnosed HIV+ 3 yrs back and He is Negative, and on his side he struggles with maintaining erection when using protection, which poses a problem for us since we cannot have unprotected sex, and i don''t want to put his life at risk by doing such. As much as i love him i want to prepare myself for a possible loss if we can''t find a solution. i just don''t know how am i going to do that.

thank you

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like it'd really be useful for you to see a personal counsellor to work on many relevant issues, such as perhaps your feeling a need to be in a relationship, but mainly to help you examine your alternatives and make a wise decision for yourself and your child.
If you are HIV+ and he is not, of course you need to discuss this with him. There is nothing about condoms as such that should cause any problems with an erection, and such problems would be psychological in nature and also therefore able to be cleared up with counselling.
There is no really effective sort of psychological vaccination that can protect us against a future loss as in a relationship, but your counsellor could help you to re-evaluate the situation and draw helpful rather than exaggerated conclusions from it

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-03-19

Sounds like it'd really be useful for you to see a personal counsellor to work on many relevant issues, such as perhaps your feeling a need to be in a relationship, but mainly to help you examine your alternatives and make a wise decision for yourself and your child.
If you are HIV+ and he is not, of course you need to discuss this with him. There is nothing about condoms as such that should cause any problems with an erection, and such problems would be psychological in nature and also therefore able to be cleared up with counselling.
There is no really effective sort of psychological vaccination that can protect us against a future loss as in a relationship, but your counsellor could help you to re-evaluate the situation and draw helpful rather than exaggerated conclusions from it

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