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Posted by: HURTING | 2012/10/18

How do I move on??

I have this new male colleague, we are both attached to other people but we hit it off immediately...we were so attracted to one another resulting into intimacy. in the beginning he could not stay away from me. we work together and sit in adjacent offices. if he was not in my office we would be on chat throughout the day and into the night right upto 3.00am in the morning, to the extent that it was now interfering with our work. then one weekend when we were together he told me that he wanted to completely erase me from his memory. then he just went cold. he wont return my calls, emails or text messages. when I call he promises to call back but does not. when I go into his office to talk, he can''t even talk...all he does is stare at me and say how I remind him of the times we spent together...and makes comments about my eyes, my lips etc etc. I have requested that we sit down and talk out of the office but he wont accept. we work together, I see him everyday and I just don''t know how to move on. its tearing me apart and I don''t like the person that I have become because of all these. what should I do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Moving rapidly into a passionate relationship, especially when you are both already committed to other people, is never a good idea. And such relationships at work are never ever a good idea. It also sounds as if nobody actually works hard wherever it is that you work, if there's time for all that flirting and chating.
Whatever sick game he's playingnnow is unfair and unpleasant, and should be ignored. He's playing with you. STOP making any form of contact with him except strictly as required by your business.
See if its possible to transfer to a different part of your company or its work area, so you're not so physically close, and ignore him totally. And get really busy with work and hobbies, so you dont have time to sit around thinking romantic thoughts about a guy who is a heel. Learn from this and let go.

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Our users say:
Posted by: What the Hell | 2012/10/19

@ ?????
So if a Guy hits it of with a woman he''s a dog/pig/serial cheater
yet with women it''s cool but move on because you''re being used! WTF!!
Us Guys get so sick and tired of all these ''O Holy'' comments. Funny how I haven''t once insulted Hurting by insinuating that she''s a slut to have slept around!
This is the real world...wake up before the coffee''s cold! Shit happens! Best of luck Hurting.

Reply to What the Hell
Posted by: What the Hell | 2012/10/19

He probably doesn''t want to end this relationship any more than you do, but like everything, there''s always a beginning and always an ending. He''s obviously has some or another very good reason in his own mind why he thinks it''s time to ''stop the bus''. Maybe he''s reaching a point of no return, and doesn''t want to break up his own current relationship or can''t offer you any more than what you both currently have. Maybe the heat at work is getting to hot for him to handle. Do you not think all the ''other''s'' haven''t noticed your relationship...?? I''m sure he still feels plenty for you. Doubt he''ll ever tell you how much it''s tearing him up inside......

Reply to What the Hell
Posted by: HURTING | 2012/10/18

OK, I hear you " What the Hell"  but if he wants to walk away, why the hell is he playing games with me? we work together and from time to time I have to contact him as required by our business and the last time I did...he told me that as much as I may pretend that I have moved on, he can see it in my eyes that I still miss him, and he also misses me too. he then requested if he could telephone me later for us to sit and talk..I okeyed it but he never called.
" ?????"  I totally concur with you...all I can say is that I am just human, I am not perfect, I make my mistakes but I learn from them.

Reply to HURTING
Posted by: HURTING | 2012/10/18

OK, I hear you What the Hell but if he wants to walk away, why the hell is he playing games with me? we work together and from time to time I have to contact him as required by our business and the last time I did...he told me that as much as I may pretend that I have moved on, he can see it in my eyes that I still miss him, and he also misses me too. he then requested if he could telephone me later for us to sit and talk..I okeyed it but he never called.
????? I totally concur with you...all I can is that I am just human, I am not perfect, I make my mistakes but I learn from them.

Reply to HURTING
Posted by: HURTING | 2012/10/18

Thanks all. guess I really needed to hear this. I feel much stronger now.

Reply to HURTING
Posted by: ???? | 2012/10/18

I have two words for you , Stop it,! Stop being emotional and running after him, and stop it before you loose your job over a useless affair and work on your self esteem, you both were attached and he wanted fun, and now you want love???
Be dead honest you knew what you were getting into , just hope your partner does not find out from others what you were up to, are you that stupid that other people in your offces did not notice the attraction between you guys, do the right thing and tell your partner, that you were lusting after another man and that you put your own health at risk and his, it sounds to me that this guy is a serial cheater and you were just one of his victim, get out of this fantasy and do a reality check , and on second though rather break up with your partner, and be single for a while because you did not respect your partner and cheated, O by the way I am a full blown woman, and I detest cheaters, Sorry if I sound harsh on you but we can not tell you what you would like to hear, I rather tell the truth,If I were you tell this guy that you are prepared to tell your partner what went down and how he used you and you give him a few days to tell his partner or you will, easy as that, how did you guys manage to cheat while attached, did you partner not suspect anything yet,
good luck , but move one and ignore this pig in your office,

Reply to ????
Posted by: What the Hell.... | 2012/10/18

I''m not surprised to see such replies from Ladies!! He''s moving on, yet you aren''t. You were both lusting around and having fun while both of you had partners in the background. So why is he suddenly a dog ....huh?? I don''t agree with any of this. If anything someone else is playing sick games by NOT leaving him alone and letting him fulfill his desire to end things and walk away. This was an affair...what more did you expect???

Reply to What the Hell....
Posted by: Kate | 2012/10/18

Its a horrible situation yes but I totally agree with 40ish.
Thats the way it goes... pretend its all good and it will evetually get better, all you need is time and stop degrading yourself by running after this dog.
I also agree with Pamela, move on and learn from it.
Seriously, learn from it, DO NOT DO IT AGAIN!

Reply to Kate
Posted by: Pamela | 2012/10/18

The best advice would be to MOVE ON TO ANOTHER JOB AT ANOTHER COMPANY IN ANOTHER AREA.

Office affairs are only sexual attraction and very, very rarely turn into anything else. And of course once one of you, and its normally the man, has had sex with you - thats it, baby!

Reply to Pamela
Posted by: hobo | 2012/10/18

he got what he was looking for your punai. There is a new target around the corner can you see her. Just ignore him and move on.

Reply to hobo
Posted by: 40''ish | 2012/10/18

Never ever have a relationship at work again. That''s the lesson here. And don''t walk after a man. Its clear " he is just not that into you" .

Best is chin up and be happy (even if you fake it). Carry on as if you are no longer affected and that you are happy.

Good luck.

Reply to 40''ish
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/10/18

Moving rapidly into a passionate relationship, especially when you are both already committed to other people, is never a good idea. And such relationships at work are never ever a good idea. It also sounds as if nobody actually works hard wherever it is that you work, if there's time for all that flirting and chating.
Whatever sick game he's playingnnow is unfair and unpleasant, and should be ignored. He's playing with you. STOP making any form of contact with him except strictly as required by your business.
See if its possible to transfer to a different part of your company or its work area, so you're not so physically close, and ignore him totally. And get really busy with work and hobbies, so you dont have time to sit around thinking romantic thoughts about a guy who is a heel. Learn from this and let go.

Reply to cybershrink

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