advertisement
Question
Posted by: M | 2012/05/23

How do i move on?

We''ve been together for 10 yrs and broke up for good in march this year.During the course of our relationship he was emotionally abusing me but i stayed thru it all bcos i loved him. When we broke up he treated me like dirt, he spat me out and then stepped over me like i was nothing as he walked away.

When we broke up he said not to call/sms or come over to his workplace anyomre,a request which i respected, yet in april he started contacting me telephonically(of which i would hang up on him,he came to my place, told him to leave and he refused, now two weeks back he came to my work place too). i had invested so much time,money an all of my being into someone that didnt love me at all. im filled with so much pain and regret for not leaving him years back when i realised that he didnt love me anymore.

Now apparently things are not going well for him and he was advised to ask me for forgiveness.I dont want to frogive him cos his apology is not sincere.I wont forgive him this time cos i want him to suffer.I cry almost everyday cos im still hurt, i have been to five therapy sessions and i feel like nothing has changed. How do i move on and completely forget abt him. Dont get me wrong, i dont want him back, i just want to erase the heartache tha im feeling right now

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

"Love" must never be allowed to excuse emotional or physical abuse. Treat his more recent approaches to you as sensitively and sympathetically as he treated you - ignore them utterly. If he comes to your workplace, have Securioty remove him and inform him that you will obtain a restraining order from court to forbid him from contacting or approaching you in any way, if he persists.
this is really no about "forgiveness" a hugely over-rated concept. Its about him wanting to re-enter a situation that will enable him to resume the abuse.
His therapist is wrong to expect you to involve yourself in his therapy ( if indeed that is what he is doing ) , and should be told to leave you out of the process, or face a formal complaint of misconduct on his part.
Work with your own therapist to move ahead, and just to get this in proportion and break the bad habit of being in any relationship with this guy - its not necessary to totally forget about him, just to recall him if at all, without emotion or being troubled by it.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Outsider | 2012/05/24

Yes, you must be feeling so much hurt, anger and frustration, I know the feeling. If it were me I would first and foremost let him know that you forgive him and make it clear to him that you are happy with where you are at this moment in your life and that he is no-longer a part of your life that you have finally closed that chapter of your life and moved on with no possibility of going back.

That way you would have closed off that chapter and not always have the emotion of " i should have forgiven him"  looming on your shoulders.

Never go back to him, if someone can emotionally abuse you, it will lead to mental and then physical, and If you let it go the first time, it will happen time and time again.

Good Luck!

Reply to Outsider
Posted by: Phil | 2012/05/24

Give it time And cut all ties and any form of contact. Delete any messages or mial without reading them.Any form of contact  is like opening the wounds again and prolongs the healing.

Reply to Phil
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/05/24

"Love" must never be allowed to excuse emotional or physical abuse. Treat his more recent approaches to you as sensitively and sympathetically as he treated you - ignore them utterly. If he comes to your workplace, have Securioty remove him and inform him that you will obtain a restraining order from court to forbid him from contacting or approaching you in any way, if he persists.
this is really no about "forgiveness" a hugely over-rated concept. Its about him wanting to re-enter a situation that will enable him to resume the abuse.
His therapist is wrong to expect you to involve yourself in his therapy ( if indeed that is what he is doing ) , and should be told to leave you out of the process, or face a formal complaint of misconduct on his part.
Work with your own therapist to move ahead, and just to get this in proportion and break the bad habit of being in any relationship with this guy - its not necessary to totally forget about him, just to recall him if at all, without emotion or being troubled by it.

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement