Our expert says:
The loss of a loved one can be so difficult to deal with anyway, but isn't i sad how often this is follwed by unpleasant family squabbles ?
From the soun of it your horrible cousin is probably angry that there is nobody now to look after HIM and his bad habits. You're right to notice both the unavoidable sense of rage and outrage about his seedy beghaviour and the need to exclude him from your lives and avoid being consumed by the fire of the anger he has caused.
Counselling is obviously the best setting in which to work on both this and the grief work. Sometimes it helps to write a long lettwer to him, pouring out all the anger and contempt you feel - and then, not giving it to him ( that'd just help him to feel justified in his sneering at you all ) but burning it, and allowing your fury to turn to ashes like the relationship with this rat
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