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Question
Posted by: hestia | 2009-12-18

how do I learn to open up?

I am a 31 year old woman that need advice. I am struggling to open up for people to get close to me. I do not have many friends however the few I have is very close and dear to me. Also they only become good friends after I knew them a few years. At this stage I have one very good female friend. We have a very good relationship. Even though we know each other for 12 years I still will not open up and tell her about a lot of things. I am always open to help and listen about her worries and concerns. I just can not get myself to tell her things that is bothering me.

Her husband is taking our relationship very well however I almost have a suspision that he things our relationship is more than just being friends. He would regarly refer to 3 sims ect. Although both of us made it more than clear that is something we will never even think of doing. I do not want to put any strain on their relationship so I tend to keep more to myself. I know she had a bad experience with her husband before and I never want her to think that I am any kind of treat to her. My friendship to her is just too important and sometimes she is the only one to keep me sane.

My mother had a few flings ect when she was still married to my father. I remember the hurt I saw in my fathers eyes. And I remember the shame and hurt I felt when woman will accuse my mother. I never want any person to accuse me of this. Maybe this is why I do not want to open up?

This makes it very difficult for me to meet people. I was never in a serious relationship. I am more than ready to get into a relationship but everytime men comes close to me I clam up. It feels like I am missing so much. It feels like because I never loved, I never live. I did not grow up in a household were hugs and kisses were given freely. My parents would also not tell us that they love us. thus it is very difficult for me to give anyone that kind of affection. sometimes it feels to me like people use the word Love too easily.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

We don't all have large numbers of friends - people who do, often are not especially close to their many "friends" ; and having a few closer friends is perfectly normal. You don't even need to open up to your closest friend about everything that worries you - some people do and others don't. But if there are a numbert of things troubling you, you do need and deserve someone you can discuss this with - either a friend of family member, or even a counsellor.
Maybe inded your experiences ealier in life of the troubles in your own family have made you more cautious than many others.
Personal counselling could help you to feel more confident and able to trust appropriately

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009-12-18

We don't all have large numbers of friends - people who do, often are not especially close to their many "friends" ; and having a few closer friends is perfectly normal. You don't even need to open up to your closest friend about everything that worries you - some people do and others don't. But if there are a numbert of things troubling you, you do need and deserve someone you can discuss this with - either a friend of family member, or even a counsellor.
Maybe inded your experiences ealier in life of the troubles in your own family have made you more cautious than many others.
Personal counselling could help you to feel more confident and able to trust appropriately

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