Our expert says:
Lets not confuse needs and wants. In the situation you found yourself in, you wanted to be with people your own age ( this isn't compusory, either as a feeling or an action ). And as you found, you sank out of the level of life you had achieved, and now need to work hard to recover the sort of position you once had.
Maybe you're not as Cold as you think ( you're being rather hard on yourself )- are you saying you never ever loved your children ( that seem awfully unlikely )or that you lost track of love and how to do it, during your unpleaant wandering time.
Seeing a counsellor could be really useful, if you can arrange that. Otherwise, spend time with the boys, chat with them about their interests and concerns, emphasize that you care about them and regret what happened and want to get to know them. Mention, perhaps, as they sem old enough to understand, that it feels a bit strange after the interval, and you want to learn how to show love to them again. Your current difficulty seems to be more in not knowing how to act lovingly, rather than in now feeling any love
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