Our expert says:
Sad how often we can let ourselves become disappointed in ourselves, just because someone else seems to have done better in some ways. The aim neds to be that old cliche about being the best Me possible, rather than a second-best Him or Her.
And its unfortunate when parents are foolish enough to obviously have a favourite child, who gets spoiled while others get neglected. Oddly, I find this is sometimes because the spoiled one is the child they think needs support and imagin is less able, while the neglected one they feel confident will do fine on his own.
Anyhow, he was neglected and discouraged, which is really bad parenting.
The other sad problem you highlight, is the awful error of a foolish parent trying to live through one of their children - the child who must be a model, or musician, or whatever, because the parent wanted to be one. In an odd way, even the "favoured" child is neglected, though in a different way - she is not respected in her own right, but only as a proxy for the fanatical parent, and not encouraged to develop her actual self. And she may be given the false impression of specialness, and become deeply disappointed when in real life other people don't consider her to be the princess mom insisted she was.
As you describe the sister is now a horrible, spolied and unloved creature. While your husband though insecure, is a fine and loved person.
I am not at all convinced that most "courses" on offer are of any lasting value ( other than to those who collect the fees )but if he accepts that idea, it might AS A START be better than nothing, if it encourages him to consider counselling, which could be far more useful, and would probably be cost-effective compared with a Course
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