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Question
Posted by: Mary | 2011/11/14

How do I handle it...

Hallo Doc,
My husbank and I have been struggling to fall pregnant for 3 years. Last year we started fertility treatment, but without any success. Nobody is aware of our problem to fall pregnant as I feel that it is a very personal matter and basically nobody''s business. The problem comes in that everyone constantly asks us when we are planning to fall pregnant. Even people that I barely know would asks us that. My grandmother said to me the other day, that I am getting too old for babies..so I better make a plan.

I can honestly not handle this anymore. I dont know what to say to these nosy and bad mannered people. It seriously drives me insane and makes me feel like an absolute failure.

I dont know how to handle this situation.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

This is a much more common situation than most people realise. And you are absolutely right - whether or not you fall pregnant, what you do or don't do about it or feel about is is ABSOLUTELY NOBODY ELSE'S BUSINESS AT ALL. Good responses from other readers. Personally, I'd tell people that it is none of their business and ask them why they choose to be so nosey about other people private concerns ? Ask them when they plan to have plastic surgery and the intensive psychotherapy they clearly need. If they get upset or angry, remind them that it was THEM who chose to be nosy and rude, and you were simply demonstrating to them what it feels like when others do that.
Nothing about you is a failure ; life doesn't always work out smoothly for any of us, at times. People who stick themselves into other peoples privacy, now THAT's a failure !

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/11/16

This is a much more common situation than most people realise. And you are absolutely right - whether or not you fall pregnant, what you do or don't do about it or feel about is is ABSOLUTELY NOBODY ELSE'S BUSINESS AT ALL. Good responses from other readers. Personally, I'd tell people that it is none of their business and ask them why they choose to be so nosey about other people private concerns ? Ask them when they plan to have plastic surgery and the intensive psychotherapy they clearly need. If they get upset or angry, remind them that it was THEM who chose to be nosy and rude, and you were simply demonstrating to them what it feels like when others do that.
Nothing about you is a failure ; life doesn't always work out smoothly for any of us, at times. People who stick themselves into other peoples privacy, now THAT's a failure !

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Mary | 2011/11/15

I love your answers. thank you so much. :)

Reply to Mary
Posted by: Maria | 2011/11/15

I agree with JR, " what will be, will be"  or " it will happen when it happens" . It is indeed a personal matter and the more people know, the bigger the pressure.

Alternatively, and depending on who you are talking to, you can try the following:
- How interesting that you feel you have the right to ask that question
- When are you going to lose that excess 20kg?
- Why would you like to know?
- Sing the chorus of that song that goes " The answer is blowing in the wind" 
- Open up your diary and pretend to check it, then say " We don''t have it scheduled for this month" 
- We don''t feel ready to be parents yet
- If your kids are anything to go by, it''s better for people to be a bit more mature before they become parents
- There is more to life than being a parent

Good luck. I''ve sure you''ve heard this before but people really do often fall pregnant when they stop stressing about it and just relax.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: JR | 2011/11/15

I think that all I will say to these people is, what will be will be. You must remember that they do not know that you have problems and it is your perogative to tell them or not to.

Do not feel like a failure. You dont have any control over this and it is not your fault. Dont make it your fault. Everything will happen when it is meant to if it is meant to. Just remember that.

All the best, I hope that your dreams come true very soon.

Reply to JR

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