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Question
Posted by: Candice | 2012/04/28

How do I go about leaving my husband of 6yrs

I am thinking of leaving my husband of 6yrs due to the fact that whenever he drinks he is rude to me and uses deragoratory words. I am scared that he will threaten my life and that of my kids since he tried at some point to burn my mothers house. He is unemployed at the moment, but his behaviour is really annoying me now. Im scared of him and I dont want to die now.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Am I right in guessing this irritating habit hasn't just begun in recent weks ? Has it got worse recently, or has your ability to tolerate it diminished ? Many who drink make ugly drunks, and, losing their inhibitions and manners, are rude and unpleasant then. Usually, it'd be worth trying marriage counselling, if he could be persuaded to so do, to see if this bad behaviour can be revised.
If you have good reason to believe that he might be a threat to your life, the matter is diferent. And if he really did previously seriousoly try to burn your mothers house ( rather than maybe, for instance falling asleep with a lighted cigarette ), then such possibilities need to be taken seriously . Clearly, you are really scared of him.
IF we had an effective police force, you might discuss this with them and see what they might suggest to protect your safety. If the house technically belongs to him, it'd be a question of your SAFELY leaving him ; if the house is technically yours, maybe it'd be an issue of having him removed, with a court order forbidding him from threatening, or approaching you, the house, or your mother and her house, in any way, or go to jail. Any specific threats, especially if they have been witnessed, can help you do so.
Check your local resources of groups like POWA , who should be able to provide experienced advice on finding the safest ways to protect yourself and the children.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2012/04/29

Please phone AA and ask their advice. Maybe an intervention, admittance to a rehad etc.... they will be able to advise you on how to deal with an alcoholic.

Do whatever you must to ensure your safety - this is a serious threat to you.

And go for councelling yourself or even join alanon (partners of alcoholics).

If he does not want to change - get the hell out of there - you have a fulfilling life to lead

Reply to Anon
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/04/28

Am I right in guessing this irritating habit hasn't just begun in recent weks ? Has it got worse recently, or has your ability to tolerate it diminished ? Many who drink make ugly drunks, and, losing their inhibitions and manners, are rude and unpleasant then. Usually, it'd be worth trying marriage counselling, if he could be persuaded to so do, to see if this bad behaviour can be revised.
If you have good reason to believe that he might be a threat to your life, the matter is diferent. And if he really did previously seriousoly try to burn your mothers house ( rather than maybe, for instance falling asleep with a lighted cigarette ), then such possibilities need to be taken seriously . Clearly, you are really scared of him.
IF we had an effective police force, you might discuss this with them and see what they might suggest to protect your safety. If the house technically belongs to him, it'd be a question of your SAFELY leaving him ; if the house is technically yours, maybe it'd be an issue of having him removed, with a court order forbidding him from threatening, or approaching you, the house, or your mother and her house, in any way, or go to jail. Any specific threats, especially if they have been witnessed, can help you do so.
Check your local resources of groups like POWA , who should be able to provide experienced advice on finding the safest ways to protect yourself and the children.

Reply to cybershrink

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