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Question
Posted by: BB | 2012/06/05

How do I get past this

My ex and I both second marriages, divorced 3 months ago, we were married for just on 3yrs and i susupected from day one that he was having affairs but blinded myself to the fact to hold on to having this marriage work as I came out of a very traumatic previous one. I couldnt live with having this fail as well. He work very long hours and trips away from home but used this as an aliby for his affairs. I eventually divorced him as he was becomming very estranged and i had to protect my assets i could no longer be gullible in believing things will changed i so belived it will. we divorced and less than a month later he remarried a child of 22 yrs old. What hurts is all the dirt is comming at me from many sources the things that was happening and things on FB that he posts he has no heart he is evil to do this. He knows that i still love him very much and it hurts like hell there are days I''m fine and days I crumble and want to hide and cry all the time. I need to let go i need to get over him but i cant i dont know how. I wish it will just go away. Please help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its understandable, but never a good idea to in any way hurry into a new relationship before one is fully OVER the previous one, especially if it was traumatic. Also, one may start by being too gullible, then, after such a bad experience, become too suspicious, and its not easy to strike a happy balance.
That he remarried only a month later suggests he was already at least in this affair, though if he is indeed the sort of guy you found him to be, she is unlikely to end up any happier than you were.
Again you are drawing attention to some of the awful harm Facebook can cause, by enabling mean people to hurt others without consequences to themselves.
See a counsellor to free yourself from the habit of loving a most unloveable and cruel man who doesn't deserve your love. It will go away, but will do so more quickly and efficiently with the expert help of a counsellor.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: BB | 2012/06/06

Thanks you guys, I have blocked him from FB the minute i put him out but it is friends and family that sees him and his doings still and they would tell me because they dont know what is going on as I dont discuss it with them. my kids are on FB they see it and wont confront me as I made it quiet clear that when I put him out of my home that i didnt want to discuss this at all i no it is wrong but i cannot deal talking about it in the home where I have my elderly mother also live with me. My kids are all grown up so respects my wishes.
I wish that one day he will feel my pain, feeling what it’ s like to be rejected spat out like gall and humiliated, disgraced, shamed. What hurts so much that he has no respect does he have no compassion no morals no principals can one be so wicked.
I will leave him in God’ s hands he must be reckoned with.
My prayer now is to be able to let go and forgive which is the hardest.
Thanks for you''ll support and advice.

Reply to BB
Posted by: Patricia | 2012/06/06

BB> > >  What you have been through in your life is hectic man.
This sort of thing happens ALL THE TIME so you would think there are easy solutions out there. Relationships in marriage are all so individual and have their own dynamics and it is difficult to give advice not knowing all the ins and outs. From personal experience I can only say this:-
You were very brave to walk away from this marriage and shows how strong you are. Your ex, his new wife, facebook, the ''sources'', words and all these things are outside of you. Don''t let them upset you. Keep strength and hope of recovery in your heart. YOU are still who YOU are and nobody can change that. Try and look after only yourself (unless children are involved) You may not know which way forward you want to move to yet but be patient with yourself and the way forward will be revealed to you.
Wish you the best and post again if you''re feeling down ((()))


Reply to Patricia
Posted by: Nicky | 2012/06/06

Unfriend him on FB or better still, stay off Facebook - it''s a load of BS anyway. People airing their personal problems and trawling the net looking for prospective partners - nothing that happens on FB could possibly be real ....

Reply to Nicky
Posted by: B Gates | 2012/06/05

Why not just unfriend him on Face Book?

Reply to B Gates
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/06/05

Its understandable, but never a good idea to in any way hurry into a new relationship before one is fully OVER the previous one, especially if it was traumatic. Also, one may start by being too gullible, then, after such a bad experience, become too suspicious, and its not easy to strike a happy balance.
That he remarried only a month later suggests he was already at least in this affair, though if he is indeed the sort of guy you found him to be, she is unlikely to end up any happier than you were.
Again you are drawing attention to some of the awful harm Facebook can cause, by enabling mean people to hurt others without consequences to themselves.
See a counsellor to free yourself from the habit of loving a most unloveable and cruel man who doesn't deserve your love. It will go away, but will do so more quickly and efficiently with the expert help of a counsellor.

Reply to cybershrink

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