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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2011/01/11

How do i get over this hate?

HI doc,

I am going through a really awful stage of my life at the moment. I just got back with my ex who we have a child together and we tried to give it a go. In the time that we were apart he was in another realtionship but on trying to get back together told me all sorts of rubbish(ie he never loved her like he did me ect ect) So we moved in together which lasted two weeks when he told me that he cant love me the way he loves her ect and later told me he has been sleeping with her while we have been together. When i went to fetch my stuff all her chlothes were all over the place! I am extremely hurt by what has happened. And i feel so much hate and anger towards him!Hearing his voice makes me feel sick i get so angry! And i know we have to be " decent"  to each other because we have a child together but right now i cant get over what he did to me! He is also back with the ex and i am alone and miserable which makes things worse! How do i get through this? I dont want this extreme hate for him to consume me and turn me into a nasty person because i am anything but that!!Please help!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

So he was insincere, muddled, and dishonest, maybe lying to and cheating both of you at the samem time. Your anger is understandable, but keep reminding yourself how lucky you are that you have now become clear about what an immature and selfish little fellow he is, and how lucky you are to have him out of your life. You cannot be as miserable alone as you would have been with him. Decide matters relating to the child by considering what is in the child's best interests. Yes, avoid obvious conflict between you in the presence of the child, but there's no need for you to otherwise tolerate his company.
Remember how you are an excellent person who deserves so very much better than this twit can provide. Eventually, you'll find a real man who can treat you with the love and respect you deserve

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: TheExceptionallyLazyMan | 2011/01/11

Whooa there Karma, ironic the name you use and you advocate " cursing"  people?! You sound like Lord Grevious from Star Wars!

Cursing isnt the way let love conquer : )

Reply to TheExceptionallyLazyMan
Posted by: Karma | 2011/01/11

What he did to you, he will do it to her, just wait and see, all you can do is to curse him.

Reply to Karma
Posted by: lazy | 2011/01/11

Well maybe it is abit unrealistic to expect yourself to instantly drop the hatred and become an over night merciful person seeing as what you have recently been through, it was very unkind and hurtful what you have experienced, i think its going to take time to " get over it"  but you can start by just trying to let go of all the negative thoughts. accept what has happened and remind yourself that you are an amazing person and you will recover from this and hopefully sooner than later you will meet someone who will fullfill you and give you the love you need.

Reply to lazy
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/11

So he was insincere, muddled, and dishonest, maybe lying to and cheating both of you at the samem time. Your anger is understandable, but keep reminding yourself how lucky you are that you have now become clear about what an immature and selfish little fellow he is, and how lucky you are to have him out of your life. You cannot be as miserable alone as you would have been with him. Decide matters relating to the child by considering what is in the child's best interests. Yes, avoid obvious conflict between you in the presence of the child, but there's no need for you to otherwise tolerate his company.
Remember how you are an excellent person who deserves so very much better than this twit can provide. Eventually, you'll find a real man who can treat you with the love and respect you deserve

Reply to cybershrink

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