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Question
Posted by: Anyone? | 2011/05/20

How do I get out of this?

Hi CS,

I just need some feedback from the public as to how to get out of sponsoring family members. I have been paying for a family member''s house for 9 years now. I own the house, the bond is in my name and I have signed surety. I used to be able to afford it but have lost a huge chunk of my income due to the recession. The family refuse to move out of the house or contribute financially. If the bank takes the house, I get hurt financially as I must cough up the shortfall when it goes on auction. If I continue paying, I get hurt financially as I can no longer afford it.

I have approached a lawyer who said as long as the bond is paid, the bank is happy. Whichever route I take, I am screwed. I am tired of being used and cannot see a way out of this. It is not my fault the family did not budget for their housing and now blame me as they will ''be on the street''.

Help please.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe just say no ? It's admirable to help people in one's CLOSE family to get started, but not to sponsor them for life, so that they don't take proper responsibility for their own life. You can try to live within your own means, and to adjust to tough periods - but someone being sponsored isn't really motivated to do so.
The family has no right whatever to REFUSE to contribute financially or to move out. And surely as there's more than one of them, there should be several salaries available to pay towards the costs. They're being greedy and selfish.
It is YOUR house, and obviously you need personal financial and legal advice about the practicality of evicting the leeches. If you can get rid of them, and put in a paying tenant, that would help ; or selling it on your own, then find out how to do that.
You could give them some months notice to find an alternative. As you say, it's not your fault if they chose to spend everything they earned and to make no savings.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Zulu | 2011/05/20

Arrange some valuations for selling with eatate agents on site. When your inlaws are present ask them what sort of rental you could expect on such a property.
The inlaws may well make an offer to rent at below this amount when they realize what the going rent is.

Reply to Zulu
Posted by: Anyone? | 2011/05/20

Thank you everyone for your input, much appreciated. Hopefully this will end our woes.

Reply to Anyone?
Posted by: Truth | 2011/05/20

Its a pleasure.

Once u have wound them up enough and planted the seed that the house MAY have to be sold tell them estate agents will be contacting them for valuation purposes. Give their details to at least 20 estate agents. The idea is to make therelife difficult and load on the guilt. When the estate agents have finished tell them you will get more if the bathrooms are renovated, new carpets laid - after all you have to speculate to accumulate. Make another 20 appointments that need tradesmen to acess the property to quote.

Good Luck.

Reply to Truth
Posted by: Anyone? | 2011/05/20

Haa haa! Brilliant ideas, thank you. Think I will sommer pitch up at their house tonight.

You give good advice, what job do you do?

Reply to Anyone?
Posted by: Cunning Plan | 2011/05/20

What about renting their garden out to someone to grow vegetables. You could ask some mates to dig up the lawn. Then inform them the veggie growers have absconded with out paying.
Alternatively rent out the lawn for someone to store old cars, after all its your property.

Reply to Cunning Plan
Posted by: Truth | 2011/05/20

Use the chronic medication story as part of reason for divorce/selling house - after all you have to put the innocent little ones first!
Tell in laws wife will have to go out to work but will not use the creche due to expense and granny and the maid will have to look after kids during the day - all to pay the bond.

Arrive on inlaws door step at 7 at night saying electricity has been cut off and you can only make arrangements to pay in morning. Cook cheap food (beans egg toast that you take) all have a hot bath. Go home and repeat monthly.
Do same with water being cut off!

Ask for lifts due to car break down for a week to work - tell them you cannot collect car until paid at end of month.And if you dont earn a salary every one will be on the street.

Next ask for lifts at the weekend as the tyres/brakes are not safe enough to drive with kids.

Basically they cannot not efuse to help as if they paid rent things would not be so tight!

Keep going like a dripping tap - sure you have to put it on a bit and swallow your pride. Make them feel like this is all their fault......keep the pressure up!

Reply to Truth
Posted by: Anyone? | 2011/05/20

Hi Truth,

Ja, we have two kids, one in creche and she was on chronic medication, we had to take her off due to lack of funds. The wife does not work, she is a stay at home Mum with the baby.

Reply to Anyone?
Posted by: Truth...idea 2 | 2011/05/20

Do you have kids and what are their ages. I think we can work them into our plans. How about sending them over for meals due to lack of funds wearing flip flops/shorts in winter. Or taking them out of school/canceling extra murals...........the posibilities for guilt are endless!

I HAVE MORE IDEAS..................Does your wife work?

Reply to Truth...idea 2
Posted by: Anyone? | 2011/05/20

To Truth and Cunning Plan, thank you, thank you, thank you! I knew I would get some ideas out of this forum.

Reply to Anyone?
Posted by: Cunning Plan | 2011/05/20

What about your wife and you visiting the inlaws and saying due to money worries you are going to divorce. Tell them this wholey due to subsidising them. You are going to be living with them and your wife will rent a flat whilst the divorce is going through. Their rent free house will have to be sold as it is an asset of the marriage.As you are going under when the divorce is through they will have to provide support to her as you are losing everything and have to start again you will not be able to.
Watch them panic and then negociate them moving out!

Reply to Cunning Plan
Posted by: Truth | 2011/05/20

l have been thinking.
You are obviously living somewhere with your wife paying water lights rent/bond etc.
lf you moved in with your inlaws, you have every right to live in a house you are paying the bond for, you would save a huge amount each month in expenses.
Pretend to make plans to put your house on the market/move out and begin storing your furniture in the in laws garage.
Your wife and her parents will begin to be very scared at this prospect and l am sure this will open up a dialogue to resolve your financial problems.
Do not consider sequestration until you have explored every option.

Reply to Truth
Posted by: Anyone? | 2011/05/20

Same as mine. We feel abused by them and have given them 2 years notice to find alternate accommodation but now it is crunch time. They have made no effort to cut back on their living expenses and it is driving us crazy. My siblings refuse to help as well.

Reply to Anyone?
Posted by: Truth | 2011/05/20

Now we are getting to the root of the problem, what is your wifes attitude to them living rent free?

Reply to Truth
Posted by: Anyone? | 2011/05/20

They are parents in law. I am wondering if I should sequestrate to get rid of this problem, but then again how would I drive around? They sure as hell would not lend me one of their paid for vehicles.

Reply to Anyone?
Posted by: Truth | 2011/05/20

As they have assets such as holiday homes and cars with income to pay for staff and satalitte tv it is unlikely that you would be liable for any support of your relatives.
I would advise you to seek legal advice as to how to legally expel these people from your property.

What is the family relationship to these oldies?

Reply to Truth
Posted by: Anyone? | 2011/05/20

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your input. Truth, I know this is a mental health forum, but you guys seem switched on and I decided to post this question hoping to get other opinions. What are SA''s laws of maintenance as these are elderly folk BUT they have holiday homes, vehicles, maids, DSTV? What job do you do?

Reply to Anyone?
Posted by: Truth | 2011/05/20

Surely your lawyer can assist in advice in displacing your tennants? A shrink is unlikely to have a legal knowledge base enabeling him to advise!
Possibly you are liable for housing your family (such as aged parents or disabled siblings) due to SA laws of maintenance. You may have 2 sell/rent the property and rent a garden cottage for your family?Legal opinion is required.
It is hardly surprising your family will not engage in solving the problem as they are sitting pretty at present.If someone was letting me live rent free l would wait for a legal letter before seeking advice as to what l should do.
Really only a lawyer can assist and not a mental health forum.

Reply to Truth
Posted by: Loli | 2011/05/20

Get Sherrif of the court to move them out. My chomi did that and today they still not speaking to her ...... Mara she can NOW sleep peacefully.

Reply to Loli
Posted by: Anyone? | 2011/05/20

I forgot to mention that I have an overdraft at the bank and the bank has taken a certain amount on this house as security. It''s all rather complicated. I would ideally like to keep the house and put a tenant in, but how do I get rid of the leeches?

Reply to Anyone?
Posted by: Candi | 2011/05/20

If I were you I''d put the house on the market for sale. Since it is your gouse I think you may as well do that. Sell the house give then a moths notice after you get a buyer and then its up to them to find alternative accommodation. Its very selfish of them not to consider how this would /is affecting you.

Reply to Candi
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/05/20

Maybe just say no ? It's admirable to help people in one's CLOSE family to get started, but not to sponsor them for life, so that they don't take proper responsibility for their own life. You can try to live within your own means, and to adjust to tough periods - but someone being sponsored isn't really motivated to do so.
The family has no right whatever to REFUSE to contribute financially or to move out. And surely as there's more than one of them, there should be several salaries available to pay towards the costs. They're being greedy and selfish.
It is YOUR house, and obviously you need personal financial and legal advice about the practicality of evicting the leeches. If you can get rid of them, and put in a paying tenant, that would help ; or selling it on your own, then find out how to do that.
You could give them some months notice to find an alternative. As you say, it's not your fault if they chose to spend everything they earned and to make no savings.

Reply to cybershrink

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