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Question
Posted by: Annie | 2010-05-17

How do I get him to listen ?

I''m married for 6yrs and have a 3yr old daughter . I completetely dont have interest in sex . I fake it most of the time. Its due to all the various issues in our marriage '' family issues ''.
Evertym I try getting intimate I think about hw arrogant he is towards how I feel about certain issues& mdash  and just cant seem to enjoy the moment- in fact I just want him to leave me alone. I just dont think its fair that he wants to enjoy his pleasures , but ignore the issues I want him to address.
I dont know how to deal with him anymore. An affair is a definete no and there was a tym wen I considered it, wen I suspected him, but didn''t anyway. I can feel so lonely sometimes, cos the only time we get along is in bed, and mostly I do it, cos that is the only form of closeness we share. I''ve spoken to him many times , but he chooses to pretend the issues dont exist , and expects me to pretend as well.
I dont know how to get through to him... I know he loves me, but he has issues accepting his family is wrong. I used to be a very sexual person, but now I''ve also lost my interest in happiness. I know I''m in a state of depression, but I don''t have anybody to turn to. Strange thing is I cant live with him, but cant do without him either.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageAgeing and Sexuality expert

Annie I hear your desperation. And s you clearly write this is not about you having a sexual problem- it is a relationship problem. And as long s it is there, you will not enjoy sex. The anger, resentment you feel towards him outweigh any sexy feelings you have for him.
I urge the two of you to go for couple counselling. In this way you have a chance of getting him to listen. And if he won't go with you, go alone to help you manage this life better than it is for you right now.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

6
Our users say:
Posted by: PAPA..D | 2010-08-29

HI ANNIE ANY DID U GET SOMETHING RIGHR YET DID HE OPEN UP,OR START TALKING YET.

Reply to PAPA..D
Posted by: BOERBOEL | 2010-07-11

HEY JUST WANT TO NW IF ANY LUCK YET .....

Reply to BOERBOEL
Posted by: BOERBOEL | 2010-06-22

I wouls say that its the deep rooted stuff that cnt be solved thats keeping the two of you from enjoying what is very intemit between you.Most man dont like to face the music, cause they dont nw hw to express there feelings. or we.... are scared how it will come out.There are many ways to kill the cat. try talking , writting a letter.put it in his lungebox. but dont attack the person address the problem. And say axactly what you feel, let him respond via letter to if you cant talk face to face.many times its misunderstanding that drive people away frm each other.all we have to do is to be willing to talk..........hope you the best...comeing from a man.........mwah

Reply to BOERBOEL
Posted by: Oldster | 2010-05-29

Personally, I would withold sex from him and tell him the truth that you have issues with him that he needs to address seriously and that YOU do not enjoy having sex with him. If he is not a selfish individual only thinking of himself then he will come to the party and you will be able to discuss matters in an adult fashion. As long as he is being satisfied by you HE is not going to make any effort to attend to your concerns and needs.

Reply to Oldster
Posted by: Oldster | 2010-05-29

Personally, I would withold sex from him and tell him the truth that you have issues with him that he needs to address seriously and that YOU do not enjoy having sex with him. If he is not a selfish individual only thinking of himself then he will come to the party and you will be able to discuss matters in an adult fashion. As long as he is being satisfied by you HE is not going to make any effort to attend to your concerns and needs.

Reply to Oldster
Posted by: Ageing and Sexuality expert | 2010-05-23

Annie I hear your desperation. And s you clearly write this is not about you having a sexual problem- it is a relationship problem. And as long s it is there, you will not enjoy sex. The anger, resentment you feel towards him outweigh any sexy feelings you have for him.
I urge the two of you to go for couple counselling. In this way you have a chance of getting him to listen. And if he won't go with you, go alone to help you manage this life better than it is for you right now.

Reply to Ageing and Sexuality expert

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