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Question
Posted by: EX Wish | 2012/04/26

How do I end the relationship with someone that I love

How do I break up a 15 months relationship without feeling hurt. How do i do that without fear of being lonely. How do I tell a man that I truely love that I dont want him anymore. I really dont want him anymore in my life and it is affecting my health this unhappiness I just cannot go on like this. I have heard enough but i am scared that i will be lonely and I will miss him and I will never find someone like him

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You can't do that. If a relationship was truly an emotional relationship and lasted 15 months, one can only rarely break up without feeling hurt. But that doesn't mean that, if there are good reasons for doing so, one should not break up.
many of us enjoy being alone, so a fear of being lonely is not universal or inevitable.
If you are really allowing it to shape your life, maybe you should consider seeing a counsellor to rid yourself of this fear. It would be helpful, too, because tyhere is otherwise a risk that you could lock yourself into unsuitable and unsatisfying relationships suimply in order to avoid being alone. Learn to enjoy aloneness ( which isn;t the same as loneliness ) and o be less needy, so you can be in a stronger position from which to form better relationships.
But I don't understand IF you "truly love him", why is it that you don't want him any more, and don't want him in your life ? That's contradictory.
Again, seeing a counsellor could really help you to sort out your anxieties and become stronger and healthier.
It is never true that you could never find someone like him there are many someones in this world. You seem to be awfulizing a bit - assuming that the discomfort and sadness of missin soomeone whowas a friend will be AWFUL and eternal, rather than something one can cope with and get over.
Its not usually easy, but its never impossible, and often, with time, easier than you thought.

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Our users say:
Posted by: been there, still there | 2012/05/15

I know the feeling. I still have such an emotional connection with a man I was involved with over ten years ago. The relationship was short but very intense and ended badly. There would be periods of about a year or two where we would be friends again and then have a big fight and stop talking to one another. Recently I have seen him again and we seem to be on good terms although never discussing the issues that caused all the hurt.
I still love him and I still want him and sometimes i feel such a strong feeling in my gut that we are meant to be but my head tells me that cant be realistic (No 1 I am married) and (No2 - why would I want him in my life again after all the hurt he put me through)
So yea, I understand

Reply to been there, still there
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/04/28

You can't do that. If a relationship was truly an emotional relationship and lasted 15 months, one can only rarely break up without feeling hurt. But that doesn't mean that, if there are good reasons for doing so, one should not break up.
many of us enjoy being alone, so a fear of being lonely is not universal or inevitable.
If you are really allowing it to shape your life, maybe you should consider seeing a counsellor to rid yourself of this fear. It would be helpful, too, because tyhere is otherwise a risk that you could lock yourself into unsuitable and unsatisfying relationships suimply in order to avoid being alone. Learn to enjoy aloneness ( which isn;t the same as loneliness ) and o be less needy, so you can be in a stronger position from which to form better relationships.
But I don't understand IF you "truly love him", why is it that you don't want him any more, and don't want him in your life ? That's contradictory.
Again, seeing a counsellor could really help you to sort out your anxieties and become stronger and healthier.
It is never true that you could never find someone like him there are many someones in this world. You seem to be awfulizing a bit - assuming that the discomfort and sadness of missin soomeone whowas a friend will be AWFUL and eternal, rather than something one can cope with and get over.
Its not usually easy, but its never impossible, and often, with time, easier than you thought.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Obvious | 2012/04/27

Hi Lebo
Can l suggest therapy for low self esteem? You stay with a man who does not respect or love you and cheats on you with his ex!
All to save the cost of calling out a plumber or electrician.......Please work on your self respect, although these handymen have high rates(justifiable as they have travelling,tooling and materials to cover) for their work is it really worth selling your soul????????

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: Lebo | 2012/04/26

In a relationship for 10 years but man wont commit. How do I live him benefits he i very handy and does all the handy man duties and I am saving that''s a plus. but discovered that he is still involved with his ex

Reply to Lebo
Posted by: Olivia | 2012/04/26

I am still inlove with my husband of almost three yrs but had to end it as much as i love him he wasnt commited to our marriage he wouldnt talk thing out but would be quite sleep out and try at all times to avoid being at home so i divorced him as hard as it was and now that we are no longer together he wants to worm his way back in and this pattern has been going for the 5 years we together and i would forgive and forget. I know there is no woman involved, but with him not communicating was hard.I am now on the road to recovery as hard as it is and believe me its hard.

Reply to Olivia
Posted by: me | 2012/04/26

I agree with SAM, just move on.
I was with a girl 5 yrs and it stopped, was not easy though.
In your case there is still love, wich makes it harder to leave...but, at the end of the day you''LL BE HAPPY.

Reply to me
Posted by: EX Wish | 2012/04/26

Amen to that why the F should I stay

Reply to EX Wish
Posted by: SAM | 2012/04/26

I totally understand where you are coming from as I am in the same situation but with a man of 5 years. He cannot commit and doesnt want to live with me or talk about our future - so I guess there wasnt a future. Its affecting my health and when you are so unhappy then it cannot be right for you. You will miss him thats normal and you might be lonely for a while but what stops you from one day meeting someone else.

Fill your life with other things - friends, family, sport etc. You might not find someone like him and what he has to offer but he isnt making you happy so why stay?

Reply to SAM

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