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Question
Posted by: Mahlodi | 2009-09-16

How do i discipline a 9 yr old

I am struggling in disciplining my 9 yr old daughter, I tried to talk to her and moved to smacking her but only at home, she always wants to be pushed to do her chores. She refuses to clean her shoes wears them dusty and all her clothes left on the floor. I am just not sure is this too much tasks for a 9 yr old, I do all her chores. Her only duty is cleaning of shoes for school. I grounded her for a week but she keeps on ignoring my instructions to her and most of the time I speak to her with respect but I am not tired of smacking since I feel guilty afterwards.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

As you've discovered, smacking doesn't work, and only teaches children that it's OK to hurt people to get what you want. The chores you describe are FAR from being too much for a child of 9. You sound like a single parent, as you don't mention a father being round. Draw up a list of basic rules, including her routine chores and her duties, and of the consequences for breaking these rules. Limit these to what really matters, and chores do matter. The penalties must be something that bothers her, and apparently grounding her in whatever way you did it, doesn't bother her at all. What does she like and enjoy ? Penalties can include confiscation of cell-phone for a week at a time, no TV, no visiting friends or visits from friends, and so on. The rules must be applied consistently and calmly, not in anger. If she is to lose the phone for a week for not doing her chores, resuming her chores and doing them every day, could reduce the period of phone loss to 3 days.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Angela | 2009-09-17

Let me tell you that hidings worked for me and my 4 sisters. It taught us that disobeying equals pain. Nothing wrong with that so long as it is done within reasonable limits.

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