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Question
Posted by: So Sad | 2010/07/20

How do i deal with Pain and Parents

I have to deal with pain and parents and i don''t know how. I have my parents living with me and yes i am 30 years old white greek female and still with the parents and no boyfriend or anything. When i sold my flat i got money and i tried to invest it but going from owning a place to renting a place money does also dry up eventually. I also work but one salary does not cover enough for rent and people and therefore i needed to use the money to also cloth them and take care of them as they are elderly. However my grandmother also fits into the picture she is 83 years old and very healthy but very stubborn hard and horrible. We put her in an old age home which was like five stars but she kept on accusing us of stealing her things and stuff like that. I eventually said i don''t want her in my house again because she makes me sick with her accusations. Anyway cut a long story short i suffer with depression and am a self mutilator i have 162 cuts on my body and last night i cut again and took the blood and rubbed it all over myself. We had a fight again yesterday afternoon because my grandmother is in hospital and she is very sick and my mother wants her to come and live with us now again, however my granny moved to my aunt and pays them R5000 pm to stay they and they took her out of the retirement village without consulting us. Now my mother wants to impose on my place and privacy again so that she can be happy. I did speak nicely to her yesterday and all but she didn''t want to reason so i left went for a drive and came back then she wanted to start fighting with me again i didn''t say anything i just went to my room into the bath cut myself and then took my pills for the evening and went to sleep. She did not sleep in the beds at home she slept on the couch. I am just so sick of all this pain and why must i deal with it. I don''t have a boyfriend and if i do go out then its an issue because why must i drive around and all that nonsence. This morning i feel like a train has smashed into me i am so tired but i can''t show it at work. I feel i need something to control my mood perhaps tranquilisers or something and i need to deal with them. I don''t know anymore i asked my friend for some Hash Hish to chill or something because i can''t with them anymore. I have tried to committ suicide twice. Please help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Your grandmother may no merely be old, but perhaps demented or paranoid and suspicious and accusatory for other reasons, which might respond to medication and skilled nursing.
If your aunt took her out os a retirement village you had arranged and perhaps paid for, its now her responsibility to deal with the consequences, or arrrange to return her there - to dump her back on you would be grosly unjust.
If it is YOUR home which YOU pay for, your mother has no business inviting let alone trying to arrange for ANYONE else to come and live there. Do not let your mother's boundary violations drive you to cuting yourself or otherwise suffering. If she wants to look afgter her mom, that's great - but she must do it in her own place which she pays for,
If granny can afford R 5000 a month, maybe that could be used to hire a flat for her and your mom and dad to care for each other ?
Maybe your counsellor / shrink can help you plan how to firmly tell them that you have the absolute right and duty to live your own life, as you please, and that they need to support that and not criticise it or try to control it.


The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/07/20

Your grandmother may no merely be old, but perhaps demented or paranoid and suspicious and accusatory for other reasons, which might respond to medication and skilled nursing.
If your aunt took her out os a retirement village you had arranged and perhaps paid for, its now her responsibility to deal with the consequences, or arrrange to return her there - to dump her back on you would be grosly unjust.
If it is YOUR home which YOU pay for, your mother has no business inviting let alone trying to arrange for ANYONE else to come and live there. Do not let your mother's boundary violations drive you to cuting yourself or otherwise suffering. If she wants to look afgter her mom, that's great - but she must do it in her own place which she pays for,
If granny can afford R 5000 a month, maybe that could be used to hire a flat for her and your mom and dad to care for each other ?
Maybe your counsellor / shrink can help you plan how to firmly tell them that you have the absolute right and duty to live your own life, as you please, and that they need to support that and not criticise it or try to control it.


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