Posted by: Janet | 2009-03-27

How do I cope? what do I do?

I have been with my fiance for 2 years. We planned our pregnancy. I am now 3 1/2 months in to it. He left and started treating me like an enemy. playing hard to get. never available. I am tired of chasing him. it' s just hard to cope at times. how can we plan to take our relationship to the next level and instead it falls apart? what am i to do? I feel stupid for trusting him be there when I need him. I feel betrayed. I want to stop stressing about this but it' s really hard sometimes. Sometimes I just wanna call him and scream at him and call him all sorts of names, but how is that going to help me.

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Our expert says:
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If you have to chase him, he's not worth catching. Maybe he fels overwhelmed at the pospect of fatherhood, but whatver the reason, this is a shabby way to behave, and he owes it to you to talk this through. You're right that calling and screaming at him won't help. Talk to family and friends. Talk to the cat.
And yes, you must in due course go to court and have the court require him to pay full maintenance --- for the sake of the child, and so as to remind him not to ever do this to anyone else.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Shallow | 2009-03-30

Aww man that creature you refer to as your Fiance is so shallow. How can the creep " plan"  with you and then just fade away? Clearly he has NO respect for you and you will never change him. Guys like that are so low they have to reach up to touch bottom !! Do what CS suggests. Kick his sorry-|-out of it, go to Court and secure that maintenance,( or the other way around,) but get him out your life and start again. You don' t need a loser like him and if you don' t get away from him you will regret it big time for the rest of your life.

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Posted by: Really | 2009-03-27

Cry about it..., talk to someone close or your close family, friends, like you are doing telling us about it... phoning him and screaming at him will only anger you more.

I have no idea around the circumstances regarding your planned pregnancy, but all I can say is that , there is a baby, with or without him, I am sure you wanted that baby too. So as hard as it may seem, maybe you should try and focus on the little one inside you for now.... if you don' t you might get depressed about it and things can go wrong with the pregnancy!

He seems like most people, I didn' t say men I said most people, they plan things and then just quit because they feel they have a right to do so even if there are people' s feelings involved and unfortunatly, they often don' t care about how much they are hurting the other person.

The baby will still be there and will grow up with or without him, and maybe before it is born, your fiance would have changed his mind and behaviour... if he doesn' t you know you MUST take him up for maintainace... It' s not going to be easy, but I can assure you, life does not stop just because sum st*p person decided to abandon you. There are so much support structures around for that child to grow up into great person. Don' t keep on looking for support from him if he is only going to make you angry.

Financially, he has to provide for that child with or without having contact with him/her.

It' s always sad when we plan our lives around an ideal setup, just to be let down, often by those we thought we could trust.

Hang in there, this little one will bring you so much joy, you will never remember a time when you never had them!

All the best.

Reply to Really

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