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Question
Posted by: Lady | 2011/03/01

How do i?

Hi, CS

I just broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years, we work for the same company but not the same department, i still love him but could not keep the relationship, he had become really good in lying and could not take that anymore, we do see each other from time to time at work corridors, or in meeting, i''m still hurting and i just don''t know how to deal with this. Only if we werent working together, how does one deal with this. if i don''t see him its ok, but as soon as i meet or see him i feel pain and anger, all i know is i don''t wan''t to get back with him but need to deal with seeing him.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It is always one of the costs of forming relationships with people who work in the same organization, that even after a break-up you are likely to see each other. But the reaction depends very much on how you insist on seeing him - if you view this as seeing the love of your life, tragically wrenched from you, you will feel bad. If you view it as a reminder of how lucky you are to no longer be in a relationship with this untrustworthy liar, it cannot be so painful.
Counselling can help you to revise your automatic thoughts and reactions. Work through the anger and pain on your own, so there is none left to well up when you see him.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Lolo | 2011/03/01

We must learn to work on life since that is what will be required of us as daughters, sisters, wives and mothers. We must know how to do the work it takes to get out of those dark experiences called " valleys" .

Valleys are purposeful. They open our eyes, strengthen our minds, and teach us faith, strength and patience.
Valleys come in many shapes, sizes and disguises. Many times we may fall into a valley without knowing how or understanding why. There are also those occasions when we have no idea that we are in a valley. Valleys remind us of all the things we " shoulda" , " coulda" , " woulda"  done had there been more time or had we had just a few more hands and feet.

The valleys with which all of us are familiar are the pitfalls we experience when we least expect them. Somewhere deep inside we know we are having the experience in order to learn a lesson. There is something we missed " the last time"  we were in this, or a similar situation.

A valley can be a job you hate but need in order to feed the family. It could be inadequate finances with growing basic needs. The valley could be abusive and disruptive relationships. There are times when the valley is a person you love, who cannot get it together. Very few black women have escaped the valley of loving a man who turns out to be a demon for the dungeon!

When you see yourself in the various valleys, Do not beat up on yourself with " shoulds"  or " should nots" . Do not criticise yourself. Do not judge yourself. Understand that we all do what we do, based on who we are and the information we have at that time. The information is usually based on our past experiences, perceptions, and fear-motivated behaviours.

Whatever the information, whatever our perceptions, we will get what we need to learn in order to do better

Reply to Lolo
Posted by: Man | 2011/03/01

Hey Lady - sorry to hear about your situation. It is a really difficult one as you guys work together, bump into each other in the corrridors and attend meetings together.

Reply to Man
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/03/01

It is always one of the costs of forming relationships with people who work in the same organization, that even after a break-up you are likely to see each other. But the reaction depends very much on how you insist on seeing him - if you view this as seeing the love of your life, tragically wrenched from you, you will feel bad. If you view it as a reminder of how lucky you are to no longer be in a relationship with this untrustworthy liar, it cannot be so painful.
Counselling can help you to revise your automatic thoughts and reactions. Work through the anger and pain on your own, so there is none left to well up when you see him.

Reply to cybershrink

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