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Question
Posted by: Woman | 2012/03/18

How do a brake up with him?

Please dont tell me i told you so....I''ve been in a relationship with a man that was " single"  but it turns out that he is still in a relationship with his daughter''s mother. In fact, they live together when he is home on his breaks from work. Unfortunately i love him and I know that it is going nowhere. He keeps on telling me to give him time to sort out his things. He uses the excuse that he would not be able to see his daughter when he brakes all ties with the mother of his child. I know I have to end this, because I am the one that is having heartache and pain every time he go home. Please tell me how do I go about this? I surely want to be the number one woman and not the other woman.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Did I tell you so ? Or did YOU tell you so, but you ignored your own wise words and went ahead anyway ? This arangement may be simply convenient for him, but really doesn't take you into account.
How much time has he had to sort out his affairs ? If the divorce was within recent months, its understandable that they might not yet be fully sorted out. If its been a year or more, there's not much sorting out going on, is there ? It IS possible ( thousands of people manage it ) for a couple to stay physically and emotionally apart after a divorce, but for both parents to keep contact with the child. And if he took the matter to Maintenance Court, they'd calaculate how much each parent should contribute financially, but would also be able to specifiy that he should be able to continue contact with the child - their task is to decide whatever would be best for the child, and the mother would not be allowed unreasonably to keep him from his child.
Consider seeing a counsellor to sort out what would be best for all of you, if you don;t have a good friend or family member to talk this through with

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: lilly | 2012/03/18

if it " turns out"  he is still in another relationship he has been dishonest and deceittful with you. He''s basically enjoying you but using you too. Do leave him and find someone who will value you and give you a secure relationship. it will be worth it.

Reply to lilly
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/03/18

Did I tell you so ? Or did YOU tell you so, but you ignored your own wise words and went ahead anyway ? This arangement may be simply convenient for him, but really doesn't take you into account.
How much time has he had to sort out his affairs ? If the divorce was within recent months, its understandable that they might not yet be fully sorted out. If its been a year or more, there's not much sorting out going on, is there ? It IS possible ( thousands of people manage it ) for a couple to stay physically and emotionally apart after a divorce, but for both parents to keep contact with the child. And if he took the matter to Maintenance Court, they'd calaculate how much each parent should contribute financially, but would also be able to specifiy that he should be able to continue contact with the child - their task is to decide whatever would be best for the child, and the mother would not be allowed unreasonably to keep him from his child.
Consider seeing a counsellor to sort out what would be best for all of you, if you don;t have a good friend or family member to talk this through with

Reply to cybershrink

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