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Question
Posted by: Neil | 2010/05/24

How can a wife hate so much

Hi

I just want to know if I am maybe stupid or don''t see the bigger picture.
We have been married for 5years 11months. Have a loving boy of 15months.
Since before the birth she distanced herself from me. I tried to give support during the birth, it didn''t seem to be enough according to her. She suffered from serious post natal depression. I wasn''t really allowed to handle our son for the first couple of months. Needless to say our intimate life was non existant since 3months pregnancy. I am trying to understand but I am battling. She doesn''t believe me anymore in anything I say and says I am having am affair. I have never been unfaithfull towards her, that is the Gods truth. I have viewed a few suggestive pictures that she has seen. I didn''t hide them, I was open with her about it.
She never speaks " chats"  to me anymore, she just barks at me with despise in her voice the whole time. I am trying to fix the problem but it seems to me I am missing the point completely. I am getting the feeling that she is willing me away and tries her best to avoid me.
I don''t know if its worth staying around anymore because there is no love anymore and its hurting me everyday, but I don''t want to give my son a broken home, but a house without love isn''t good either.
I am willing to do what ever it takes but I am not to shure if she will be willing.
Please help I am very sad and it breaks me everytime I see other couples laughing or holding hands.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

There may have been the beginnings of the depression before the birth, as well as afterwards in them more obvious PND.
And it sounds VERY much as though she is still not recovered, and perhaps the problems should be discussed by you with the psychiatrist treating her ( and it should be a psychiatrist, not a GP ).
Ifg, as your later comments suggest, she has never yet been competently treated for her mental state, then her mother has a duty to work with you to persuade her to seek the treatment she needs, as this in itself could be harmful for the child as well as for her.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2010/05/24

If she''s suffering from depression she needs meds and/or therapy. You can show your love for her in different ways: hang up laundry, fill her car with petrol, bring her flowers, give her hugs... but she has to admit to having a problem and be willing to work on it.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Neil | 2010/05/24

Maria

Are you sure that there is nothing I can do?? She wouldn''t go to the DR on anyones'' encouragement and will ask why and be very suspicious about it.

Reply to Neil
Posted by: Maria | 2010/05/24

Could you get her mom or a close friend to encourage her to visit her doctor? You can then contact the doctor before she goes and explain what is going on. She needs help, and nothing you do is going to fix the situation.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Neil | 2010/05/24

Maria

No she isn''t and also wasn''t treated. It''s her mother that told me that she is suffering from it when they came to visit 2months after the birth. All the simptoms was there when I read on the internet what it was and why it happens.

Reply to Neil
Posted by: Maria | 2010/05/24

Neil it sounds as if your wife could still be seriously depressed. Is she being treated for depression?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/05/24

There may have been the beginnings of the depression before the birth, as well as afterwards in them more obvious PND.
And it sounds VERY much as though she is still not recovered, and perhaps the problems should be discussed by you with the psychiatrist treating her ( and it should be a psychiatrist, not a GP ).
Ifg, as your later comments suggest, she has never yet been competently treated for her mental state, then her mother has a duty to work with you to persuade her to seek the treatment she needs, as this in itself could be harmful for the child as well as for her.

Reply to cybershrink

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