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Question
Posted by: M | 2010/04/16

How?

CS. How do you look at someone you once loved, without hurting for the loss? How do you stop hurting because the kids are now gonna be divorce statistics? How do you stop hating yourself for your part in the break-up? How do you become a whole person again? How do you look at this person without feeling that you could somehow have done something to not hurt them? How do you move on? Why can it not just be easy to fix all the big issues? Are they really all that big, or is it just our own big ego''s getting in the way? Who are we to jump on the abuse bandwagon? Why does life hurt so much? How is it possible for someone to have so much control over us? Why doesnt God just take us out on request?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I'm not entirely sure what you are describing when you talk of looking at "someone you once loved" - do you mean someone you still love but for whatever reason you're no longer with ? Or someone you loved once upon a time and now do not love any more ? If you no longer love them, genuinely, you should not really be involved in or concerned about them or their life, and should have moved on with your own life and new relationships.
Maybe you're describing a situation where the guy divorced you and you didn't really want that to happen ?
Kids are not statistics - and usually do better if a mutually hostile and hurtful relationship is ended, and if they are allowed a smooth relationship with each parent, independently.
And simply blaming yourself for past events isn't helpful - what happened, happened. Learn from it, and get the help you need, from a good local counsellor. If it were easy to deal with such matters, they actually wouldn't be significant or big aspects of our life.
with proper help, you will get through this and can find a happier way of life ahead

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Sphelele | 2010/04/17

Hi M
It''s painful and it''s not easy but you know the Will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you. Please be strong and don''t waste your time crying over something that''s done you know the Grace of the Lord is amazing. In Jeremiah He says I have plans for you,not to harm or hurt you but to prosper you.God knows where &  when you need to be. When u are lost He will show you the way. Proverbs3:6 Seek His will in all you do and He will direct your paths.Asking all those questions will not help you at all as am at the same situation but have put my Faith to the Lord as He said He''ll never Forsake us. It is painfull at the moment but one day when you look back you''ll see that it was all God''s plan. Be strong and take it all to Him He listens all the time. You need to forgive him and yourself you''ll see it will get easier by the day. My prayers will be with you. And in Jeremiah 33:3 He says Call on me and I will answeryou and I will show yo u great and wonderful things which you do not Know. Take one day at a time you''ll get through it with the Grace of the Lord. All the best.

Reply to Sphelele
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/04/17

I'm not entirely sure what you are describing when you talk of looking at "someone you once loved" - do you mean someone you still love but for whatever reason you're no longer with ? Or someone you loved once upon a time and now do not love any more ? If you no longer love them, genuinely, you should not really be involved in or concerned about them or their life, and should have moved on with your own life and new relationships.
Maybe you're describing a situation where the guy divorced you and you didn't really want that to happen ?
Kids are not statistics - and usually do better if a mutually hostile and hurtful relationship is ended, and if they are allowed a smooth relationship with each parent, independently.
And simply blaming yourself for past events isn't helpful - what happened, happened. Learn from it, and get the help you need, from a good local counsellor. If it were easy to deal with such matters, they actually wouldn't be significant or big aspects of our life.
with proper help, you will get through this and can find a happier way of life ahead

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: the wall | 2010/04/16

questions questions questions....and no true answers......are you asking the right questions?

Reply to the wall

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