Posted by: cally | 2009-04-09


Just wondering... my bf has been unemployed for 10 months, and although he' s sort of looking for a job, he hasn' t had any luck yet. I' m supporting him in the meantime, and while its a bit of a struggle, we manage to scrape by. He stays at home all day, but instead of making himself useful around the house, he plays games and watches tv. I get a little upset when I get home and the place is a mess... dirty dishes, not clean, bed not made, dirty laundry just left anywhere.
Am I being unreasonable if I ask him to clean house and do laundry etc if I' m the breadwinner? Surely if he wants to stay at home all day while I go out and work my butt off, he should at least contribute by doing work at home?

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Our expert says:
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This sems to have become such a common problem. Being unemployed but actively looking for work is an honourable situation. But leaving it to someon else to support you, while wasting time on TV and games, is not. Have a calm but firm talk with him --- he MUST both search for workand do the household chores, is he expects you to support him. Or he must go back to his parents and leave you to support yourself and keep the place clean without his mess. No work, no food. OR, if you read up on the ancient Greek women lead by Lysistrata, no work no play.

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Our users say:
Posted by: MissX | 2009-04-09

Why would you support a " BOYFRIEND" ???? How commited is he to you? He' s not your fiance or husband, I don' t understand. I agree he might be riding the gravy train....he might even dump you after he found a job.

Reply to MissX
Posted by: Vis | 2009-04-09

I would not be able to stand for it!!
I can imagine your frustration, and irritation ....
You need to give him some options - help out, or get out!

Reply to Vis
Posted by: Just M | 2009-04-09

Are you sure he is actively trying? He might be riding the gravy train.

Reply to Just M
Posted by: XXX | 2009-04-09

He is clearly out of line,he MUST do the household chores whilst he is out of a job.Do not allow yourself to be used.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Maria | 2009-04-09

Scorpio I do agree with you that the one at home can start thinking it' s ok to be there, but cleaning and cooking being womanly chores? Goodness.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: scorpio | 2009-04-09

Personally I am not for the house-husband. If he starts cleaning around the house and cooking that means it is a silent agreement that it is ok for him to stay and not go out and look for a job. I feel cleaning and cooking are more woman chores and if I man feels comfortable staying at home and doing those chores that simply means he wants to kiss his balls good bye....

If people are married this is a sacrifice you can afford to make but as BF and GF, I think it is risky! People can use you to get to where they need to go. Be careful people are selfish..... When things are ok with him he might pack his bags and leave you.
Good luck...

Reply to scorpio
Posted by: Nicca | 2009-04-09

you are absolutely right, he should at least sort out the house while he is looking for work. Chat to him and lay down some rules!

Reply to Nicca

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