advertisement
Question
Posted by: Claire | 2012/02/16

Horrible friend

Hi there

My boyfriend has a good friend, which I have come to despise. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years and his friend and work partner has always been around and initially I did not mind him, but as I got to know him, I began to really dislike him.

He is a liar, thief and generally horrible person - I have spoken to my boyfriend about him and he feels ''put in the middle''. I do not understand why someone would want to be friends with someone like that, but he seems less judgemental and more forgiving than me.

An incident happened a couple of weeks back, where the friend got drunk and started screaming at me (and being rude) - my boyfriend asked him to apologise, which he refused because he said he didn''t do anything wrong.

My boyfriend has become more distant with him, but there are times that I still have to see him - should I just accept that this guy is going to be around, and if so, how do I just accept it?

Thank you

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Indeed, it is puzzling why somone would choose to remain friends with someone such as you describe. Its not being "non-judgemental" to keep foolishly forgiving someone who keeps on doing bad things - that only encourages them to remain bad. Being judgemental has its place. When a pickpocket is running away with your bag, and you shout "Stop Thief!" he cant turn to you and say "Stop Being Judgemental!"
Maybe instead of directly challenging your bf to ignore this "friend", it'd be more useful to calmly chat with him about his experiences with this guy over the years, whether he sees what you find objectionable about the guy, why he seems reluctant to criticize him or let go of him. That would help you to make a more informed decision about what to do about it

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Pixie | 2012/02/17

I don''t completely agree with Obvious here... it is not a healthy situation if this friend is verbally abusing you. The expert is making valid arguments, but if the abuse persists or if another incident occurs, I would say that you have to have a serious heart to heart discussion with your boyfriend to establish why he keeps defending this person even though YOU are being yelled at etc.

I wouldn''t be able to date someone who is willing to be friends with someone like that... it says something about his judgment of character.

Eitherway, constructive communication is always the best policy, I don''t know your boyfriend, but he should never let ANYONE disrespect you... EVER!

Reply to Pixie
Posted by: Obvious | 2012/02/16

This is his work partner, obviously he is going to be arund for as long as they r in business together. The mature thing to do is to accept this and spend as little time as is respectable with him. When in his company be civil and never rude. Just keep the status quo, it would be unwise to ask your BF to choose between you. He needs u both 4 different reasons

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/02/16

Indeed, it is puzzling why somone would choose to remain friends with someone such as you describe. Its not being "non-judgemental" to keep foolishly forgiving someone who keeps on doing bad things - that only encourages them to remain bad. Being judgemental has its place. When a pickpocket is running away with your bag, and you shout "Stop Thief!" he cant turn to you and say "Stop Being Judgemental!"
Maybe instead of directly challenging your bf to ignore this "friend", it'd be more useful to calmly chat with him about his experiences with this guy over the years, whether he sees what you find objectionable about the guy, why he seems reluctant to criticize him or let go of him. That would help you to make a more informed decision about what to do about it

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement