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Question
Posted by: Noleen | 2012/09/04

Hopeless

My husband is always at work. He is never home, when i ask him that he must make time for us, he tells me that since he is in construction and its his company, he will not be able to make time, he works monday to sunday, 24/7, he does not take leave or close, so if any thing goes wrong he will be in trouble. Now i am in a loveless marriage and i don''t know what to do. We provide equally in the house, i am also employed and make time to be home to cook for him, but he always tells me he can''t risks his work. When we met he used to make time and was never too busy, I used to go with him to work but i can''t anymore, and i have a feeling he shield with his work, which is bit unfair. When i ask him he become angry, the free time he gets he goes to his friends. I am at the verge of quitting. Please help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

This is a common unpleasant side-effect of being an entrepreneur or owning and running your own firm, and seldom revealed when such enterprise is being promoted. But presumably if he is in construction, he doesn't work alone. He surely has other employees - does this mean he doesn't trust any of them, and hasn't provided for a deputy who can carry some of the work load and enable him to take some time off ?
Working excessive days and hours is like driving the company car excessive distances without changing the oil - eventually you burn out your prime resourced.
He may well see what he's doing as an expression of his love, in providing for you, without understanding that spending more time with you would be much more appreciated.
Maybe he feels insecure and uncertain of being ableto suceed in these hard times in business, and feels he has to be hands-on in everything ?
If he finds this hard to discuss with you when just the pair of you are present, can you try to persuade him that this is heading for a crisis, and that he should join you in some marriage counselling sessions to try to sort this out ?

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Tanya | 2012/09/05

Cybershrink has given some very good advice.
However seeing you posted on a public forum my advice to you would be to do some detective work here - it sounds a bit suspect.
Sorry to burst your bubble but I hope nothing is untoward with your husband " always at work" .

Reply to Tanya
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/09/04

This is a common unpleasant side-effect of being an entrepreneur or owning and running your own firm, and seldom revealed when such enterprise is being promoted. But presumably if he is in construction, he doesn't work alone. He surely has other employees - does this mean he doesn't trust any of them, and hasn't provided for a deputy who can carry some of the work load and enable him to take some time off ?
Working excessive days and hours is like driving the company car excessive distances without changing the oil - eventually you burn out your prime resourced.
He may well see what he's doing as an expression of his love, in providing for you, without understanding that spending more time with you would be much more appreciated.
Maybe he feels insecure and uncertain of being ableto suceed in these hard times in business, and feels he has to be hands-on in everything ?
If he finds this hard to discuss with you when just the pair of you are present, can you try to persuade him that this is heading for a crisis, and that he should join you in some marriage counselling sessions to try to sort this out ?

Reply to cybershrink

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