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Question
Posted by: JUST ME | 2011-04-28

HOPELESS

Hi. Im so confused and helpless i just feeol like i can not go any furhter in my life. 7n years ago my 2 daughters father left me for 22 year old and left to another country and now a year ago they came back as she can not handle his moods anymore. I was in a mental institutuion on Zoloft, Zolphyhexil and Azor which helped and i have on my own managed to get off the zoloft and now and then use Azor and do still use the zolphyhexal and then now and then Adcodols for the headaches. I had a horrible year with my 15 year old last year and put her in boarding school and all went so well, I applied for a psotion ive been acting in now for 5 years and should get it. This suspense is however making me crazy and I i cant cope. My daughter also today told me she has a coloured boyfriend(please i am not racists but this is just to much for me to handle now) I feel like taking 20 Zolofts,adcodols,zolhyhexals and 20 azors. I NEED GUIDANCE HERE PLEASWE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Be cautious about the adcodols, as they contain codeine which can cause dependency problems if one takes it too often, and also a sedative which can have similar problems. Use within a limited basis may be fine.
I hope you succeed in getting the position you have applied for - if you have been considered good enough to act in that position for so many years, they ought to recognize and reward you for that by making you permanent in the post. Indeed, if they don't appoint you, they should have to explain why, if you aren;'t capable of the job, they chose to keep you in it for so many years !
The suspence of waiting for the outcome, though is never pleasant.
It sounds as though your daughter may, as some adolescents do for a time, enjoy winding you up, and she may not even have any bf at all, but may want to see how you react to this news. At 15 she should not be encouraged into a steady or deep relatonship with ANYONE, as she has much more important things to do.
Your husband behaved foolishly and selfishly, and may now be suffering one of the likely pnalties for the decisions he took back then - but do not give him or his other woman the power to upset you so greatly.
Where I disagree with roscoe is that he/she jumps to the assumptiopn that this is LOVE, and there's no reason to assume that. Immature people tend to fall in love with the idea of being in love, almost irrespective of who they are aiming it at.
Maria's suggestion about being welcoming and getting to know him, is an excellent one. He may be excellent and help get her to calm down and behave better. If not, then loudly opposing the relationship is likely to encourage her to cling to him even harder.
Let u not get into racial arguments - simply recognize that racial / cultural / religious differences tend to make any relationship more difficult than it already would be.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-04-30

Be cautious about the adcodols, as they contain codeine which can cause dependency problems if one takes it too often, and also a sedative which can have similar problems. Use within a limited basis may be fine.
I hope you succeed in getting the position you have applied for - if you have been considered good enough to act in that position for so many years, they ought to recognize and reward you for that by making you permanent in the post. Indeed, if they don't appoint you, they should have to explain why, if you aren;'t capable of the job, they chose to keep you in it for so many years !
The suspence of waiting for the outcome, though is never pleasant.
It sounds as though your daughter may, as some adolescents do for a time, enjoy winding you up, and she may not even have any bf at all, but may want to see how you react to this news. At 15 she should not be encouraged into a steady or deep relatonship with ANYONE, as she has much more important things to do.
Your husband behaved foolishly and selfishly, and may now be suffering one of the likely pnalties for the decisions he took back then - but do not give him or his other woman the power to upset you so greatly.
Where I disagree with roscoe is that he/she jumps to the assumptiopn that this is LOVE, and there's no reason to assume that. Immature people tend to fall in love with the idea of being in love, almost irrespective of who they are aiming it at.
Maria's suggestion about being welcoming and getting to know him, is an excellent one. He may be excellent and help get her to calm down and behave better. If not, then loudly opposing the relationship is likely to encourage her to cling to him even harder.
Let u not get into racial arguments - simply recognize that racial / cultural / religious differences tend to make any relationship more difficult than it already would be.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: ROMANY | 2011-04-29

To Rosco dash
So typical.......always someone needs to play the race card. And that while a woman is in need of comfort and advice. What do you do? Sit and read every post to see if somewhere you can throw in your colour of your skin?
But, if you want to do this... lets do this.You will notice that I also refer to culture and religion, but ofcourse, you would prefer NOT to see this.
There are people, BELIEVE IT OR NOT ???? In this country, South Africa, in this year 2011, that DOES NOT APPROVE of mixing Race, CULTURE, RELIGION ETC ETC ETC.
Do some research on the Muslim and the Catholic faith and also the Jews for instance.
Have a look at the Zulu''s and see how they feel about their young women marrying other cultures.....
Me personally, I do not want any YELLOW or BEIGE Grandchildren and did not want Yellow or beige Children either so the " mixed race"  thing in the aspect of getting married and having children, sorry, it does not work for me.
AND ... and this you will not believe. I am NOT a racists.


Reply to ROMANY
Posted by: Maria | 2011-04-29

Telling your daughter that you don''t approve will just make it more likely that she will hang on this boyfriend as long as she can. Instead invite him to come to your house, get to know him, maybe he is a nice kid? And if he isn''t your daughter is much more likely to end the relationship if hanging onto it isn''t an act of rebellion.

I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to raise kids on your own while your husband gallavantes off with a youngster. You must give yourself credit for what you have achieved, on your own. Hang in there, this too will pass.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: rosco dash | 2011-04-29

Why race had to do with love Romany? she''s still young yes to have bf''s but you can''t choose for her who to date that is so 18 century the reason this country is going no where, then we might as well stick to our own when we go to the local polls this is total bs!

Reply to rosco dash
Posted by: Romany | 2011-04-29

Hi.
Yiour husband left you and his 2 daughters 7 years ago for a 22 year old. That was his decision and his mistake. Erase him and his young wife from your brain completely. I am sure you do not want him back. He has put you through enough and now he must sleep in the bed he has made for himself... also his young wife. If she took the father of your children away from you she deserves every bad mood and everything else coming her way. So.... forget about the ex huband. That is history and you have proven to yourself the past 7 years that you do not need him in your life. Do not go backwards now !!
Well done for getting off the tablets slowely but surely. Do not be in too much of a rush with this as you obvioulsy need a little help still.
Take a deep breath, do something nice for yourself (have your hair done, go for a manicure, buy a new outfit...whatever). You are now themost important person inyour life. You need to get that job and you need to keep your stuff together to make a success of this.
You obviously can so go for it girl. Yes it is taking long and the suspense is killing you however if you have been actingin theposition for 5 years you pretty much HAVE to get it or your employer will have to prove that you are not capable of doing the job if they want to place someone else in the position. This is going to be extremely hard and should this happen they may find themselves in Labour Court. Don''t even go there, I am sure they will do the right thing.
As far as your daughter of 15 is concerned...... I agree with " Regular" . Relationships are so complicated and difficult and things such as culture, race, religion etc makes it worse.
My advice however is that you have an honest talk to her and tell her that you do not approve. Then, tell her father and let him handle this one directly with his daughter. At 15 children think they know EVERYTHING (as you probably know)
You get yourself together now and think about yourself. You can dothis.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Regular | 2011-04-28

10 years ago this could have been me posting! My life is so good now - hang on in there.
l do not think you are a racist -relationships are difficult enough in the same culture and l am sure all you want is the best for your child.
Know that the forum is always here 4 u 2 off load.

Reply to Regular

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