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Question
Posted by: Paula | 2008/06/20

Hopeless

Another Episode on Marraige:

I have been married for 12 yrs now, 3 kids - 1 boy from previous relationship and 2 girls are ours (me and my husband). Firstly the reason why I couldn't stay in my first relationship was physical abuse of which I grew up seeing my mother beaten up and from there I told myself that noway and no excuse I cannot stand it - then I broke the relationship in peace - 2 years later I met my husband who saw me with little boy and accepted me with him. we got married and later to find that he cannot accept my kid to come stay with us - then it became a very disturbing matter since he knew but his excuses was when he see my kid he feels threaten that my son will bring me and his father together which is understandable but who's fault cos i was true and fair from the word go. It became very hard to choose but i eventaully told mu hubby i would rather take my child and be out of his life since i cannot help him with his problem. He then said not he is being unreasonable and we made up - Thanks God, it was so frustating.

Then start the physical abuse again when our daughter was eight months old after the incident i took my bags and left as mentioned before that I couldn't stand it. He looked for me all over and found me to apologise I forgave him on grounds that now i've got two children and i cannot afford that everytime it happens i would leave rather give him a chance and another girl was brought into this world now three kids but now i regret the day i made second choice. i'm now totally confused and hopeless - more abusive (emotional and physical) afterwards another sorry - he's got 2 cars and not allowing to drive so i can depend on him cannot have friends, monitor every move of mine, controlling me all the way with everything how i speak to him keeping track of my bank account demanding to know about all transaction, checking my cellphone every night and forced me to phone any number he doesn't understand, beating me whenever we out saying i don't give him the same attention i give other people, when working overtime he will blame me that it was just an excuse to be out his face, he has to be always there for me as if he is caring and people think i've got it all while i'm suffering inside, accusing at all time then i got tired i moved out of the house with intention to divorce then he suggest counselling before i leave him but it never worked till today back to square one - he won't do anything productive towards our marriage but good at hurting me in possible ways then say I'm Sorry and lately he makes it as if i'm the one who's got a problem and i don't understand him which frustate me more since i kept up with his behaviour for long years it feels like i have been in prisoned but he doesn,t understand still
I didn't press any charges then of physical abuse and left with nothing to prove his abuse while i cannot stand this anymore - all i want is a divorce but scared of how are we going to survive without him i'm currently working but will the court believe me - i have read many stories now about divorce - but the actual fact i cannot take it anymore - more to tell but i tried to cut the story short but still looks long - Pls help

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Call POWA or any similar local group that provides advice and help for abused women. Have your injuries photographed and recorded. It is very clear from your story that this man WILL NOT change, however often he apologises and makes promises. To a dedicated abuser, promises and apologies are merely tactics to keep you under his control, as much as controlling finances and transport and isolating you from others. But discuss this with POWA so as to carefully plan a SAFE exit for you and the children, and plans for making a new life without an abuser

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: sadi | 2008/06/21

GET OUT!!! You owe it to your children to let them grow up in a friendly enviroment. Dont you have any family that can take you in?? Like CS says get in touch with POWA and never look back again, no matter how difficult it is going to be, mentally and financially you will be able to start all over again and start a new life. Get a laywer and get everything you can from this coward.
Dont feel sorry for him when you and a good laywer nail him!!
Please make an effort to get out of this relationship before it is too late.

Reply to sadi
Posted by: T | 2008/06/20

where do you live? i wanna come and break his knee-caps!!!!!!!!! you know what i did? i got my friend to take photos of me and what i looked like after the very last beating that i had to endure. my lawyer had a field day. i think that growing up in an abusive environment as a child is very sad. just like you i saw my mom being a punch-bag. you remember how that felt right? your kids are feeling it too. times are tough and people are battling. but im sure your kids would rather have their mom, than a cushy life? you need to get out... sorry to say this but, who is going to love your kids, if he gets so mad that he kills you? i wish with all my heart that i could help you, no one deserves this

Reply to T

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