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Question
Posted by: D | 2010-02-18

Hold

Hi Doc

My ex fiance and I are on and off on and off, he lies I catch him, we break up and get back together. I promise you deep down in my soul I know it will never work, we are just too different. we have a daughter together, so obviously it impossible to break off all contact but i want so badly to just end it. I dont want to do the up and down anymore. Yet when he comes and manipulates me and promises its the last time and he is done with all of it, i crumble. And make no mistake, I love him, not like a partner, like a brother. When he comes near me I cringe. I need to end it for good, he will never change and I dont want to end up hating him. For my daughters sake we still need to be amicable.

He is not what I want, he never will be, but im his best chance at keeping it together.

His brother is a drug addict and hobo and he is going to go the same way if I leave him, how do I explain to my daughter one day that her father is a hobo because I left him.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

He lies, you feel hurt, you break it off, you're sure it won't work out - BUT you keep going back to him. As yourself why this is. You know his promises don't mean much. You are not responsible for arraging for HIM to keep i together - that's his task. If he CHOOLSES to become a hobo it's his right to make very bad choices, and to suffer the consequences, but it will NOT be your fault, for leaving him or for any other excuse he wants to claim. This is a form of blackmail, and you should stop paying it.
If you stopped seeing him, he would have less chance to manipulate you. Can't he see your daughter in someone else's company to supervise it, like his mom or your mom or some other trustworthy relative ?

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: D | 2010-02-18

I want so desperately to be rid of him, yet I cant stick to my guns when I tell him to leave,

I dont want my daughter growing up in a household like this.

I honestly wish he would just poof disappear off the face of this earth, would be easier than having to deal with how he makes a mockery of my commitment to him.

Reply to D
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-02-18

He lies, you feel hurt, you break it off, you're sure it won't work out - BUT you keep going back to him. As yourself why this is. You know his promises don't mean much. You are not responsible for arraging for HIM to keep i together - that's his task. If he CHOOLSES to become a hobo it's his right to make very bad choices, and to suffer the consequences, but it will NOT be your fault, for leaving him or for any other excuse he wants to claim. This is a form of blackmail, and you should stop paying it.
If you stopped seeing him, he would have less chance to manipulate you. Can't he see your daughter in someone else's company to supervise it, like his mom or your mom or some other trustworthy relative ?

Reply to cybershrink

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