Posted by: mu5ique | 2008-10-30

Hobbies/interests in relationships

My partner and I have a little thing that' s causing us to fight regularly...I am not sure what to do about it....

We' ve been living together for ±  1.3 years. I am 32 and he is 38.
There is sort of wedding plans...

He likes to go out for drinks with friends and my brother. The thing is that the last 2 months they really take it to far. We will be relaxing at home, then within minutes he decides he wants to go out, but without me. Then sometimes he gets back in the morning 4/5 o clock. Like students they just party all night.

I am not someone who likes going to places that stays open until this time of night. Although he assures me that they are just sitting, drinking something and talking nonsense and dancing a bit.

The last time we had a big talk about this. I think that its wrong for him to leave me at home, going out.
I have lots of hobbies, and like to keep myself busy. For ex. I like going to food exibitions and this weekend is another.

Last night we went out together, having drinks with his cousin.
When we got home and he said, I' m going back now to enjoy some more drinks and dance a bit.
I refused that he goes. And yet again we have another fight.
Then he tells me that whats the difference, me attending my hobbies and exibitions over weekend when he cant/wont go with or him going out to enjoy.

I feel it' s just not the same. And I don' t drink and drive when doing my hobbies.
Is this normal , Am I to strict about it? What can I do about it?
It is causing a lot of stress in our relationship, and every 2-3 weeks just happens again.

Please help.....Maybe some tips of things we can do together will help....

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

AY 58 he is surely rather old for childish, school-boy carousing till 4 am ; and if in a supposedly settled relationship with you, he should not be going out alone on a regular basis. I assume he is welcome to acompany you on your trips to food shows ; if he chooses not to go, that's hardly relevant ; and a daytime exhibition is a far cry from a drunken night. Could you persuade him to see a relationship counsellor with you ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2008-10-30

Please don' t marry the guy or fall pregnant until you' ve sorted this out. There must be space in a relationship for each to do his/her own thing at times, but his behaviour sounds immature and over the top.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: frust | 2008-10-30

him going out is not much of a problem for me, but leaving you and going out on his own worries me. im not trying to put any ideas into your mind but i had a boyfriend that always went out withouht ame and that didnt bother me much coz i wld go out with my freinds, but ultimately i found out that the people he used to go out with and leave me actually found him a girl at one of their outings and it went on for 5 months until he decided to break up with me. remember the people that have most of your time are the one whom with the relationship gets stronger.

Reply to frust

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