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Question
Posted by: Anonimas | 2011/03/09

HIV pos parents

Hi Guys,

This is not really a psychological question (bear with me) - you guys seem to be the only sane group on H24 so I am asking you.

I know AIDS is not a " death sentence"  anymore - people live with AIDS for a long time if they take care of themselves and take their meds. But how long really?

My sister and her bf both have AIDS (for more than 10 years now). They take their pills very well and they are healthy (except for TB on the bf''s part). Now they are pregnant. I know the baby can be saved from infection through ARVs, but how long will the parents live to see her grow?

They already have a 12 year-old. My sister automatically concluded that should she pass on I will take the older kid. You know - like, I am her sister, so I will automatically love her kids like they were my own. Now I don''t know if the same is assumed with the new one. To be honest, I can''t. If I wanted kids I would go ahead and have my own. It''s just not my thing. I know some might judge me, but I cannot lie about this just to impress people, I am not a kids'' person.

I know I might be hit by a bus and die before them - but they could also be hit by a bus, so that possibility cancels out, but the AIDS remains. I am really not looking forward to this baby. With medication, what are the chances of them living to raise the child to adulthood?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Thanks for confirming our sanity ! Maybe the HIV forum can help, but I'm not sure there are clear rules about how long someone with AIDS lives - its a complex syndrome, and different forms of complications influence the outcome. And with the newer drugs coming available, it takes years to see how they will impact on length and quality of life.
Your sister should have discussed the new pregnancy, if it was planed, with a counsellor, and with you, if she is expecting you to agree to take care of the child if needs be. As you say, some people welcome kids, and some are heart-broken if they can't achieve a pregnancy. But nobody should voluntarily have kids they can't afford to care for properly, or when they can't be sure they're likely to be around while the child grows up, or that there is someone else who will definitely be overjoyed to take on caring for the child. It would be wrong for anyone to "judge" you or comdemn you for not wanting to care for someone else's children.
YOu really need to discuss this with your sister.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Someonespecial | 2011/03/10

HIV is not what it used to be, and people can live a long life with it.

Its not something to be afraid of, there are new drugs coming out and in two cases in the media both in Germany, one man was compeltely cured of HIV when he had a bone marrow transplant for cancer that he also had, he is totally healthy now, no HIV and no cancer, the second recent development from Germany has been the creation of a new drug that reduces the virus to 5% in the human body. I think if not a total consistant cure is found that the drugs will turn HIV into a limited effecting virus in the body, much like viruses that cause cold sores etc. May sound crazy but the developments happening are amazing.

FInally not to get all religious but God can easily cure HIV search the internet there are alot of tesimonies of people being completely cured, I guess it depends on what His will is for each of us. its not an easy thing to discuss some people get very angry about God healing people, but check it out there are many examples of this miraclously occuring. I mean if He can make heaven earth and all life he can cure a virus, but then again its what His will is for the person. Also by the way death isnt the end only the beginning regardless how you die : )

Reply to Someonespecial
Posted by: Sindi | 2011/03/09

Life has no gurantees, with or without HIV people still die, she would have died even if she didn''t have it. If she was diabetic or had high blood pressure were you gona be so woried? I doubt.
Good nutrition and excesive which everbody needs one can live long, which nobody knows.

So your question was HOW LONG? answer it the same that you will get when you ask how long does a hiv- person will live.

You dnt really have to take your sisters kid, if she knws how you really feel she can and have to leave a will in place. There are so many people looking to have kids to love.
Please stop thinking HIV and imediately you think death, Death is for everyone.

Thank God you are not my sister.

Reply to Sindi
Posted by: Anon | 2011/03/09

Speak to your sister about your guardinaship concerns, that is the only way to resolve this.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/03/09

Thanks for confirming our sanity ! Maybe the HIV forum can help, but I'm not sure there are clear rules about how long someone with AIDS lives - its a complex syndrome, and different forms of complications influence the outcome. And with the newer drugs coming available, it takes years to see how they will impact on length and quality of life.
Your sister should have discussed the new pregnancy, if it was planed, with a counsellor, and with you, if she is expecting you to agree to take care of the child if needs be. As you say, some people welcome kids, and some are heart-broken if they can't achieve a pregnancy. But nobody should voluntarily have kids they can't afford to care for properly, or when they can't be sure they're likely to be around while the child grows up, or that there is someone else who will definitely be overjoyed to take on caring for the child. It would be wrong for anyone to "judge" you or comdemn you for not wanting to care for someone else's children.
YOu really need to discuss this with your sister.

Reply to cybershrink

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